I Can't Stop Loving You

Chapter 1

"They clearly are! Why else would they help us?" Abby exclaimed

Clarke scratched her chin with a deep sigh "we're heading into Polis today, right?"

"Undercover of course" Octavia nodded "why?"

"Because if they're really as alone as they say they are, of course their only pass time would be drinking. Besides, what better way to get information on war than in a bar?"

The women of the room all sat in silence as they lost themselves in their own thoughts. What Clarke was suggesting, going to a bar undercover in the middle of Polis to find a strange rebel who may or may not even be there, was preposterous. Insane.

"Yeah, let's do it."

"I'm in"

"Yep"

"Alright then. Let's go."

There was a sincere amount of comedy shared between them as their words overlapped. Luna even went so far as to crack a smile. The frizzy haired brunette clapped her hands together and pushed away from the wall.

"Well then, let's go get geared up. It's probably best to go tonight than today"

"Agreed." Octavia nodded, following her to the door "Oh and Clarke?"

"Hmm?"

"No distractions please. Not this time."

Clarke looked down to her feet and nodded.

Last time they had all left together in an act of war, Clarke couldn't get Lexa out of her head. She still couldn't. But back then... then it hurt like hell. Soon enough the pain had transformed into a type of numbness which made Clarke wish the pain was still there. At least then, she could feel something.
Almost three years after losing Lexa, it still tore her apart to think about her.

So when Luna was hurt after taking a lucky hit from a sword, Clarke couldn't handle it. The dark blood which spilled from Luna's cut was the blood type she shared with Lexa: nightblood. The last memory she had of seeing it, was with Lexa bleeding out in her arms with a pool of black surrounding them. She could still remember how it felt when it seeped into her clothes.

A single drop of Luna's blood had triggered a waterfall in Clarke's eyes, like some idiot inside her head decided to turn of the tap to her tears and let it run for an hour. She had sobbed into her mothers shoulder for the entirety of that hour.

Truth be told, Clarke still missed Lexa like hell.
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That night, in the rover, Clarke spoke up. She had never once opened up about Lexa. Yes, she had accepted kind words from other people when it came to them talking about Lexa. But all she ever did was nod and move on. But now, perched in the backseat, squeezed in beside Luna, she spoke.

"I loved her so much."

It was nearly a whisper, but she gave it enough force to be heard by everyone in the rover. Luna shifted from beside her, angling her body towards the blonde to pay more attention to her.

"We know" Abby, who sat across from them on the other side of the rover, said softly.

"It should have been me" she added. It was true. If Lexa hadn't have blocked the path of the flying bullet, Clarke would have been the one dying. Not Lexa.