misfits // z.m

ch. 23 || vacancies

XXIII. vacancies

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It was just before 3 in the morning and Zayn was sat with a sheet of paper in his hands. He wanted to write to Perrie, and to Thalia; make everything right again.

He opened his curtains to try and find some light, because he was meant to be asleep and knew his lamp would be too bright.

He signed the date in the top corner, and wrote:

'Dear Perrie,

I forgive you. I've thought about it a lot, and I realise that me dating another girl right after we broke up was insensitive, you were right to go mad. It just happened, I think.

But you;

I fell in love with you like anyone else would, should - I fell for your eyes, your charm, your laugh, and for a while, we were good.' Zayn chewed on his lower lip and wondered if this letter would offend her. He didn't want to, he only wanted to set the record straight.

'We clicked, just like that. I remember coming home on the first date and still hearing your laughter and wondering: 'is this what it feels like to be in love? To feel on top of the world, watching everyone else below?'

Then we got engaged, and we were both so excited. But after a month, I started wondering if this was it. Just a ring, was that it?

Pez, we didn't need a ring, and I guess you felt the same way. That bloody ring ruined it all.

When you cheated on me, it broke me in two. A split right down the middle.

I was so fucking angry because there are billions of other girls yet I chose YOU, and I could have had anyone else.

But now I'm with Thalia, and I'm sorry, but I...I want to stay with her.' He scratched his head: he was rambling now, telling her everything he couldn't say aloud. He felt bad, hoping he wouldn't upset her but instead help her realise the damage she had caused.

'There's a certain beauty to her innocence, Perrie. She's quiet, stubborn, a little outlandish, and so intelligent. We just...work. That's it, and it's the easiest way to explain it.

I don't expect you to forgive me for leaving you, but I hope you can understand that I've found something in her that I perhaps didn't see in you, or anyone, really. I just don't know.

I mean, don't get me wrong, you and I were in love; every morning I enjoyed waking up beside you, and in the evening I didn't want to kiss you goodnight. But now I've found someone else, someone to chase the dawn with and someone to fall asleep next to and I...well, I don't feel too lonely now.

I'm sorry.

I want you to find someone who will love you as much as I tried to, Perrie, but T needs my love more than anything, or she'll crumble.

You'll manage without me, I know you will.

I just can't lose her, Perrie, I can't."

The dark haired boy stopped writing, his letter complete, but lacking. He scribbled his name at the bottom and wondered whether to add a kiss, but he left it blank.

He folded it in half and slid it into a white envelope, then placed a stamp in the corner.

He knew, when Perrie got his letter, that she'd be annoyed and upset, but he also knew that he promised to take care of Thalia. She was his priority.