"can it get worse???" answer- yes

frustrated....

So this one is pretty much me throwing my crush problems every where as well as my parent problems. Im wrighting this also because non of my friends are able to talk or they just dont want to talk to me right now..... im really frustrated with everything at the moment. Depression is the burden in my soul that makes me feel like living hell. And if my soul breaks, does anyone even notice??? Will anyone ask where i went???? Will they just think im absent for a week and will come back??? I dont know. Today i found out how to suffocate myself without a noose... my mom watched me do it and didnt even bother to ask me to stop. She just sat there watching my face turn purple as im loosing air. I almost passed out right there but i got up instead. I thought about all the people that fo care about me, and how they would be really depressed if I killed myself..... my friends have been through a lot, we all have. From friends with homophobic parents, to friends with parents that call there kids ugly or fat and tell them that tbey look like shit, to parents who full out hit there kids as well as cuss at them and being abusive. But we are all still here... yes there has been a few that have not been able to handle it, and there have been few that are on the edge of the cliff just waiting for someone to push them off. I can admit, im one of them.... always putting myself down for others. Always being last for everything so that my friends would be happy... some take the favor and dont consider how i feel, truly.... that im just fine and that the fake smile wall is the actual me and that im really that happy.... it may seem that way, but the truth is, im really just the same. Giving my advice to friends making sure there alive and healthy as i stay back and sacrifice eveything for them. And thats fine to me... just keep myself alive and ive got it all... that the world will change... that god will come down to save me... that i wont be hiding anymore. That ill be able to go out and care for myself and stay strong even when others are not around. Because ive growen so dependent on them, that ive forgot to learn how to be independent. And even thought i have been independent, the options i use are not the best. But ive realized that no matter how long i wait to grow up, the world will keep spinning around me if i dont catch up... hopefully this helps some of you understand that killing yourself is not an answer that solves the problem, it just makes it worse.... but i love you yall and hope you all had a great day or night and sorry bout the depression. But i want you to know that you are loved by someone in this world so dont give up💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

-JustApiceOfGarbage