Mirror, Mirror | ✓

•Day 51• Ted

I reached into the pocket of my hoodie for the keys, but it was empty. I could've sworn I kept them in there that morning, but they were missing. I contemplated calling Thea to check if I'd left them at home after all, but before I did so, I tried my luck by pushing the door. 

Miraculously, it opened and I walked in to the store to find a number of books strewn across the floor, with the same black coloured bookmark jutting out of each of them. 

My immediate instinct was to call my boss and alert her that someone had broken in, but the curious part of me was dying to know what was written in those carefully bookmarked pages. 

Keeping my eyes and ears open for any signs of the intruder, I edged towards the first book and flipped open the marked page. It was called 'Every Last Word'. 

After you left
I stared at the driveway 
Feeling its emptiness
Wondering if you'd return.

After you left 
I thought about your questions
Wishing I hadn't been so blunt
Wondering if I scared you away.

After you left
I remember how you felt in my arms.
How you fit so perfectly in there. Like my guitar.
Wondering if I should have kissed you when I had the chance.

The poem was... Perfect. Beyond perfection. Everything and so much more. It made me feel like someone out there understood what was going on in my mind. And that just puzzled me more. 

I tiptoed towards the next book, reading its title. 'If I Stay' by Gayle Forman. I was pretty sure I watched a movie with the same title. 

Love, it never dies. It never goes away, it never fades, so long as you hang on to it. Love can make you immortal.

But Ava didn't want to hang on to it. Perhaps we were meant to die.

I held back the oncoming tears that I'd locked in for far too long. I refused to think about her. I refused to accept what happened. For I knew that if I did, I'd never be able to stop the flood of emotions. I wouldn't be able to stop believing that it was the end of everything. It was pathetic that her love was the only thing important to me anymore. Pathetic, and still so strong at the same time. 

I hastily picked up the next book, wiping my tears with the sleeve of my hoodie. 

Finding someone you love and who loves you back is a wonderful, wonderful feeling. A soulmate is someone who understands you like no other, loves you like no other, will be there for you forever, no matter what. They say that nothing lasts forever, but I am a firm believer in the fact that for some, love lives on even after we're gone.

There was a clear connection between all the pages I was reading in the books. It was love. Pure, passionate, pathetic love. It annoyed me to admit, even to myself, that the only person I could think about while reading them was Ava. 

I advanced towards the next copy, trying to comprehend the meaning of all of this. Who'd put them here, knowing that I'd see them? Could it really be...?

Today I love you more than ever, tomorrow I will love you even more. I need you more than ever; I want you more than ever. I'm a man of fifty years of age coming to you, feeling like a teenager in love, asking you to give me a chance and love me back.

I laughed until tears pooled in my eyes when I read that. It was definitely Ava. she often joked to me about how she laughed like a fifty year old man. This was a reference she was sure I would get. I knew it, but it felt too good to be true. I decided to read the next book, hoping I could get more meaning to all of this.