Talk Less, Smile More

2

heyo just a quick AN - nobody is reading this but I hope for that to change bc Ive got biiig plans for this babe.

school has been literally kicking my ass so Im rlly rlly sorry about the spaced updates <3

comment rate and yaknow the works :3

Alex's POV

Herc leaves the room awkwardly, giving John and I time to "settle in". I head for the bedroom, and John splits ways with me into the kitchen, avoiding any eye contact at all. I throw my things on my bed. My things being a few changes of clothes and a toothbrush. Yeah, definitely going to the store later. I pull out my phone as John walks swiftly by me, trying to look busy. God damn, he's cute. I see him glance at me out of the corner of my eye before he walks out into the kitchen area again.

John's POV

Shit. I can't even believe it. I just ruined everything, any slight chance of us being friends has literally been crushed into nothing. I need a drink. I'm tempted to follow Herc out the door, but the lingering thought of Alex keeps me here. Walking into the kitchen, trying desperately to bring up the nerve to talk to him. I pace endlessly, looking at him from around the corner. He catches my eye, but I'm too scared to move elsewhere. I clear my throat, trying to work up that certain nerve I know I used to have, before I met my father, that is.

"I-I'm really sorry, about before, I just...You're really cute." I mutter, knowing he can hear me.

"No worries.. John? Is it?"

"Yea, John."

"You're really cute too." He stumbles for words, ending sharply and obviously wanting a subject change.

"I was gunna, head out... I dunno, maybe for a walk if you wanted to come?"

He nods quickly, noticing how eager he looks, toning that down as well. It's cute, the way he does that. It's like he has a subconscious autocorrect that takes over the captain's position when he's nervous. Cute.

It's only noon, and the sun that should be blaring into our annoyed eyes at this time is gone. We slip out of the dormitory area, Alex slowly behind me, carefully splitting away from the normal crowd of New York. Clouds hang over, creating a sempiternal atmosphere I can't seem to describe. Alex soon appears at my right, the two of us brooding in our own thoughts, wrapped up in layers from the sudden chill of September.

I find myself on the path to a secluded park, the one nobody really goes to anymore. We pass a small cemetery, and I thought I heard Alex quietly catch his breath at the sight of it.

If almost on command, Alex spills, "I wasn't born here. Or anywhere in America. I'm Caribbean." He shakes his head, cursing under his breath.

"Neither was I. South Carolina." Not that he could tell, but most times I catch myself with a small drawl here and there. Certain words mama used to say. Love, wonderful, honey, sugar; all with mama's special sound to it. I grew up knowing that as the only voice I could ever dare to trust. Even now, years after her death, she's the only one I can trust.

Mama would've liked Alex. She would've teased me about his looks after he would leave our house, she would've forced me to call to make sure he got home safe. She would've held back my father a little longer. She would've brought me somewhere else, somewhere safe. She would've loved Alex's eyes, the way his hair falls around him, the way he carries himself. She would've loved him.

"John..?" Alex sounds far off, his eyes slowly bringing me back to reality, "Are you okay..?"

"Y-yeah.. Just thinking."

"About?"

"Not important." I rush, continuing to walk, noticing we've stopped.

"Well, you sure we staring for a while." He chuckles, skipping back into place next to me.

"I-I was?" I stop, sending him a sideways glance, "I'm sorry, I've just been-"

"Don't apologize. I'd be lucky to ever look at your eyes the same way again." He smiles, bringing a noticeable dulcet demeanor with it, slowly turning to a bench before us.

I stand there, breathless, fighting a dangerous shade off my face to avoid questioning. I shake off the feeling, my heart slowing as he leaves my vision.

My heart is preparing for the hurt this man will bring. But I know I'd rather it be him then anyone else in the world. Break my heart, Alex, I'd still love you.