The Gift of Mayhem

Gift 21

"Good eve-n-ing." The tall, slim man who answered the door spoke with an exaggerated accent. His form almost seemed to flow like mist. His eyes burned with dark fire.

"Papa," said Vlad (aka Brood).

The man's lips widened into a pained smile. Light glinted off his fangs. "My boy! It is so good to see you!"

Vlad and I arrived at the castle a few minutes after nightfall. It'd taken us longer than expected to arrive because of an alien invasion. Afterwards, Brood refused to come. It took a couple hours, but we finally got him aboard the jet. We arrived in town about noon; but since we were visiting vampires, we had to wait till night.

Willingly going into a vampire den at night seemed somehow...idiotic.

The town welcomed us warmly...They chased us with torches.

Someone pointed at Vlad and shouted, "It is the Nightstalker of Death!" The crowd preceded to either flee into their homes or pursue us with pitchforks and torches. I just "love" the old fashioned charm of some distant lands.

"So..." I said, "I'm guessing lunch at the local café is out of the question."

We ended up hanging out at the local transbeing restaurant. They didn't mind serving a vampire and a weredog. Our waiter was a yeti, by the way.

The meal would have been perfect had the woman with four arms and six eyes not kept winking at me. She was a trade ambassador form the planet Nik-WhooOO-Gah-Boing.

Anyway, once darkness began to fall, Vlad and I made our way to his family's castle. It looked like it'd been around for 500 or so years. Just looking at it sent shivers down my spine. It had this weird appearance of looking rundown and pristine at the same time. The large spear-poles at the gate and the demon-dragon statues roosting in various places didn't put my mind at ease.

Finally, Vlad's father turned to me. It was like watching some possessed doll turn towards you. It looked strained and full of hatred. "It is so great to finally meet Vlad's fri...fri..." He gulped and looked like he'd rather be staked than to say the word. "...friend," he finally managed.

"Yes." A smooth and sultry female voice suddenly appeared at my side. A slender woman dressed in black but with bright, blood red lips seemed to form out of the growing darkness. I jerked in surprise. "It is time we put aside old rivalries." The woman stroked the spot under my chin. "It is not your fault the Xacians forced us to battle your kind."

"Come," said the father. "Meet the rest of the family."

***

The rest of Vlad's family, his older brother and sister, seemed pleasant enough...for bloodsucking night fiends.

We headed for the study to chat while the family's ghouls (humans who serve vampires in exchange for small doses of vampire blood) finished preparing the meal. The ghouls never get enough blood to turn them, but it did give them a temporary boost in strength, speed, and healing.

After an hour of listening to tales of Vlad's childhood, dinner was served. I was thankful for that. I'd endured tales not of his first steps or even how he perfected the vampire bite so that it was harder to identify, they were tales of how Vlad ripped the arms off a classmate who chewed on his pencil. They also shared stories of him hunting down runaway slaves through the Underground Railroad. He made quite a few slaves "disappear."

When the ghoul arrived to announce dinner, the mother was just finishing the tale of Vlad's time as the Bloody Red Baron during World War I.

"Oh, drat," said Vlad's mother. "Well, after the meal we can tell you about his time in London." The mother gave me a cold stare. "He wasn't called Jack the Ripper just because he hung out with the Rippers gang."

I coughed trying to hide nearly choking on surprise.

***

"Wasn't dinner lovely?" asked Vlad's mother.

The father dabbed his lips with a napkin. "Yes. It was. It is so hard to find tourist this time of year."

I had a cheeseburger (I hope) while Vlad drank vegetable juices.

Vlad's sister gave him a snicker and asked me, "So what is little Vlad like at the hero agency?"

I was about to answer, but Vlad suddenly stood; the dishes rattled and the table shook. "Enough," he said, freakishly calm for the statement and his sudden movement. "What is it you want? What is your game?"

"We have no game," said Vlad's mother with a small wave of her hand. "We just wish to reconnect our family. It is the holidays."

Vlad's father cleared is throat. "While you were the best vampire, second only to the great Dracula, we respect your choice to...repent." He took a long "sip" of I-don't-want-to-think-about-what-was-in-his-cup. "And eternity is a long time, my son. We are patient."

Vlad looked like he wanted to fly across the table and straggle his father. Luckily, I guess, Vlad's mother intervened. She touched my arm, sending shivers up it and down my back--and making me want to be sick. "Have you ever wondered how we vampires get around so quickly?"

"Not really," I said.

"As you know, trueblood vampires can't cross water, such as rivers or oceans," said the mother. She shrugged dramatically yet delicately. "So how do we get across such weakness?"

"I thought you could in your coffin."

She stroked me under the chin again, making my meal want to return. "Old wives' tales. We use an ancient artifact called the Shadow of the Blood Moon. Would you like to see it?"

"No, Mother, we wouldn't," said Vlad.

"Too late." She clapped her hands. Four ghouls entered carrying a coffin. They sat it down. Vlad's mother opened the lid. Inside, on a red velvet lining, was a red orb. It looked like a miniature moon but very red. "This allows us to travel anywhere." She picked up the ball as if it were made of crystal glass. She then handed to me. It was surprisingly light and didn't seem all that fragile.

"Come, brother," said Vlad's brother. The sister pushed Vlad along. "Join in the festivities." Soon, Vlad was standing next to me.

The mother brushed her hair back and smiled sweetly, but it hid a darker purpose. "It's very simple to operate. You just touch it and say 'I want to go' and then tell the destination."

"That's very nice, Mother," said Vlad. "But Joe and I must be going."

"How true." The hairs on the back of my neck rose. Danger. I then realized Vlad's mother was holding on to the sphere--so was Vlad and I. "I want to go to Madness Jungle." She quickly removed her hand.

Vlad and I then vanished in a swirl of matter, much like a cloud being vacuumed.

Vlad's mother turned to the others; she smiled brightly. The others smiled a chuckle. "Oops," she said with an innocent shrug.

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