The Gift of Mayhem

Gift 15

I'd found the day's package early. Which turned out to be a good thing because the International League of Super-Transbeings contacted me. Zero and I needed to interrogate Lenny the Owl about a shipment of drugs coming through town. I placed the package on the ground next to me.

"Who?" Lenny said.

"The drug shipment," said Zero. "We want to know the person in charge."

"Who?" said Lenny. He turned his head to look from Zero to me and back again. His googles caused his eyes to look three times larger than they were.

"Tell us the name of the guy that's smuggling in the drugs?" said Zero.

Lenny flapped his arms in frustration, making his brown coat fan out like a parachute. "Who!"

"For the last time..."

I grabbed Zero's shoulder. "Let me try." I faced Lenny. "Is 'Who' the name of the smuggler?"

Lenny blinked a couple times. "Yes."

Zero grumbled in anger. Suddenly, a person dressed in a purple furry fan costume ran by and snatched my gift. He laughed as he continued to run.

"Who was that?!" I asked.

"An new anime character that everyone loves," said Zero. "His name is Dr. Zeus."

I removed my sunglasses so I could rub my eyes. I sighed. "So Dr. Zeus stole my Christmas gift. Unbelievable."

"Uh, excuse me," said a sudden, nasally voice. A man dressed in a white shirt, suspenders, and thick, black glasses appeared out of nowhere.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am QR Comment..."

"Oh dear."

"If you are trying to make a Dr. Seuss joke, the character's name should be Dr. Soice. According to MSN.com, The Huffington Post, and many others, Seuss and his family pronounced it Soice, like in 'voice.' You are saying it wrong."

I sighed. "Nothing destroys the Christmas spirit faster than a fact-checker. Maybe I should rename this 'How The Nerd Ruined Christmas.'"

QR Comment stared blankly at me for a moment then suddenly burst into laughter. "That is funny! That'll be bigger than 'they did surgery on a grape!'"

And so, my audience grew three sizes that day.