Sown

twenty-nine

Kiba huffed the entire way back to the capital. Sounds of indignation permeated the air surrounding the group and only led to heightening the annoyance of most. It led to a handful of different arguments that ended with snide remarks and louder tones. Hanae walked on the outskirts of the group alongside Lee and Sakura. The taijustu savant had apologized profusely for what he had done to her hand. The younger woman healed her hand silently, a guilty apology too painful to vocalize.

She kept her gaze forward. A torrent of thoughts bounced around in her mind ; the Samurai Bridge was severely damaged by the battle with Sasuke, the missing-nin had gotten away after killing the prospective Hokage, and they had taken a hostage so to say. Kakashi carried the redhead on his back, something that didn't bother Hanae. He was not only the strongest and highest ranking among them but also a gentle man. Thus it made sense that he be the one to take on the role over the injured woman.

The one thing about Kakashi that did bother her was how high his rank had risen. As it stood, he was the new Hokage. The leader of Konoha, a fact made evident by their brief meeting with the ANBU Root division that had been following the earlier group's way into the country. She had no clue how that would affect their budding relationship. To be completely honest she didn't want to think about it. She wanted to run away from the fact all together but that would mean running away from him. And that was the last thing that she wanted to do. After everything that had happened, she wanted the silver haired man to stay the stable part of her life.

Yamato greeted them rather angrily back at the inn. His anger was meant only for Naruto but it didn't keep him from snapping at a few of the others (Hanae not included). They took refuge inside of the newly repaired building ; apparently the brunette had made himself busy instead of tracking the reckless blonde down. His trust in Kakashi hadn't wavered, evident by the fact that he let his superior handle the situation himself. Kakashi would have gladly welcomed the help waking everyone and carrying Karin back, but that was in the past now. He had other things to attend to and now seemed like the perfect time to start.

The jounin made his way outside into the snow where Hanae stood. She leaned on the wall next to the door pipe in hand. Wisps of smoke rose into the snowfall, swirls of grey mixing with the ever present white. "I thought you had things to do back home." His attempt at an ice breaker.

The woman shrugged lightly, "they begged me to help them. You know how soft hearted I am." Hood displaced for the first time that day Kakashi could see the pink dusting the tip of her nose. "Besides, everything I owned was destroyed after Pein's assault. It was nice to have a reason to come back and remember what I lost."

Kakashi had a lot of things he wanted to talk about. Why she had avoided his gaze just as she did now. Why her words were suddenly so blunt and the cheer was gone from her voice. There was a somnolent undertone to her words, the sleeping gas still gripping her and the comrades that had been rendered unconscious. But there was more to it and he desperately hoped he wasn't the cause.

Before he could get another word out, their attention was grabbed by a trio of samurai clamoring through the snow. One of them had their helmet off, a man with a hard gaze and short black hair. He was the one who noticed them, staring his at Kakashi's uniform before darting his gaze to Hanae.

"Umu-san!" He breathed exasperatedly and changed his direction, heading towards the couple.

She seemed to recognize him immediately. "Ebinuma-senpai," she returned and pushed off of the wall. All three men had stopped and made their way in her direction. Kakashi followed feeling somewhat responsible for her. "Are you headed to the bridge? It's been damaged pretty badly."

He brushed off her words without so much of a shake of his head. "Umu-san, your father and brother are in the hospital."

Hanae dropped her pipe. It landed upright in the snow, burning like a funeral incense. "What do you mean? What happened?"

"Tadou-taisho and Tatsui-taisho were wounded in battle. Tatsui-taisho is conscious but Tadou-taisho is in critical condition. He lost an arm and hasn't woken up yet."

Her legs grew weak and it took everything in her power to stay upright. "How? What happened?!" Hanae's voice was barely a whisper.

"The intruder."

Intruder. Sasuke. Kakashi's heart fell out of his ass. It was bound to happen sooner or later. His curse, the damnable plight that threatened every bond he forged. Hanae was a lucky woman but even she couldn't be spared from the pain that followed him. No matter how much he had grown to cherish her, how much he begged whatever deity existed that she would be immune, it wasn't meant to be. It had always been there, dancing just on the edge of the new life he was trying to build, watching every sweet interaction and apprehensive step forward. And when it reared its ugly head, he had failed to protect her.

She turned towards him, eyes brimming with tears and filled with shock. Her mouth mimed the words she wanted to speak but no sound could make its way out. Kakashi could only watch her break down before his very eye.

"Go." It wasn't permission or an order. It was a push, what she needed to hear to get her stalled mind working again. And it worked.

Hanae charged off in the direction of the hospital followed closely by the armored men. Each hurried step kicked up tufts of snow until she was gone from his sight, leaving him alone with only his guilt beside him. His arms felt heavy, cloak matted with melted snow and dirt from the earlier battle. He ached for warmth, feeling dazed as he walked back into the previously battered building.

Yamato caught him at the door, expression all business. "Senpai, we have to be getting back. The daimyo will want," the brunette paused when he caught the fatigue painted across the other man's face. "Kakashi, are you alright? Where's Hanae?"

The mention of his lover sucked the air out of his lungs. Not only did the world seem a distant and far away place, but it honestly didn't feel real. "She's at the hospital." The other's brows came to a point in worry. "Her family was injured fighting Sasuke. She's gone to see them." An overwhelming feeling of remorse rushed over him and pushed him past his friend and into the inn's bathroom. "Just give me a moment."

His hooded eye gazed into the polished glass of the mirror. Disappointment gazed back. The image began to shift the longer he stared. Kakashi no longer looked at himself, he looked at Sasuke's defiant face, mouth twisted in a savage laugh. He looked at Rin's horrified expression, arcs of electricity dancing wildly in her chest. He looked at Obito's pained expression, half blocked by the bolder trapping him to his fate. He looked at Minato's grin, blood leaking from the corner of his lips. He looked at Hanae's pained eyes, wet with loss and fear. They all screamed at him, shouting his name, drowning out his endless apologies to the people he had failed.

Kakashi bent over, yanking off his mask so that he could breathe. The air in the room felt so thick, like his lungs couldn't handle it all. His teeth showed as he gritted them. It was all so much, it all felt so heavy. He had tried hard only to fail over and over and over again. He had let them slip through his fingers and escape his grasp. Let them fall away into the darkness he was plagued by. They had been swallowed by his inability. It was all his fault. He was tired of being the strong one all of the time, tired of having people rely on him when he knew he would fail them, that his track record would hold true.

He had pushed them away. Friendships, teamwork, hope, love. Any situation where someone could possibly be in a position to rely on him. He didn't want to be the responsible one and he made it so that he would never be trapped in that position again. When something happened to work, he would let it happen. And when it stopped working, he would let it go. It was a horrible protection mechanism that worked, and when something works you don't try to fix it.

But then he fucked up. He let himself get too close, let himself be vulnerable, let someone else become the strength that he could no longer shoulder. Kakashi threw a wrench in the machine and begged that it would continue to function as normal. And now that everything was breaking down, he had no one to blame but himself.