Sown

seventeen

For shinobi love was an occupational hazard. While disheartening, someone dying in the line of duty was natural. Many a children in Konoha had only one parent - one because most families agreed to have a parent give up the ninja way of life so their child wasn't left orphaned in the worst case scenario.

Kurenai felt this more than anyone as she knelt in front of Asuma's grave. Her hand subconsciously drifted to her stomach, unborn child no larger than a poppy seed and already without a father. She knew the situation was a possibility but she had no way to know her newfound happiness would be torn away all too soon. The village hadn't even learned of their conception yet ; their sympathetic apologies would only crush her further, so she chose to keep that knowledge between herself and a select few for the time being.

Familiar faces dotted the sea of black. Students, colleagues, classmates, family and more, all bereaved of a great man and all mourning the loss in their own way. Asuma wouldn't have wanted them to cry for him, but that didn't stop most of them. Kurenai picked up on Konohamaru's sniffles first. He called quietly for his uncle and it brought tears to her eyes. He understood her loss the most.

Further back another woman sobbed. The kunoichi recognized her, the herbalist she had visited with Asuma no less than a week before. She remembered the day well, how lively he had been, acting so careful around the pregnant woman as if she would shatter at the slightest breeze. He wanted only the best and most natural care for their child, nevermind being the worst chain smoker in all of the village. The memory brought a new wave of longing. Silent tears trickled down her cheeks as Kurenai finally let her grief take over.

-

Most of the attendees had left by the time night fell. Hanae stood by a tree far back in the cemetery. Her tears had run out long ago, but she couldn't in good faith leave the kneeling woman be.

"Hanae," a quiet voice to her side called. She didn't move as Kakashi laid a hand on her shoulder. "C'mon, let's go home. Kurenai needs her privacy."

"What if she stays here all night?" The woman's voice was somber, "She'll be out in the cold alone all night."

"She's smarter than that." Kakashi knew his long time colleague well enough to know she wouldn't be so reckless. "Besides, she won't be alone." He drew her attention to another tree catty corner from where they stood. A teenager stood leaning against said tree only visible by the lit cigarette balanced between his lips. "He's been there nearly as long as you have. One of Asuma's students. He won't let anything happen to her."

Seeing that words wouldn't be enough, Kakashi took Hanae's hand and led her out of the cemetery. She kept her gaze on Kurenai until the mourning woman was out of sight. They continued down the road in silence, Hanae gripping the man's hand tighter as they grew nearer to Gishi. He intended to make sure she got home and leave to his own from there, but she still hadn't relinquished her hold on his hand and he saw no other option than to accompany her upstairs.

"She's pregnant, Kakashi."

The words didn't come as much of a shock. The jounins' relationship was probably the worst kept secret in the village. But even he hadn't known things had escalated so far. Suddenly Asuma's request to talk in the hospital made sense. He felt horrible for not making the connection.

Hanae took a seat on her sofa with a cup of sake in her hand. He poured a cup for himself and settled on the far armrest, back facing her. Hushed whimpers broke the silence after a moment. Kakashi replaced his mask and moved to sit beside the again crying woman.

"He was so nice to me," she lamented into her glass. "I only met him one, but he was so nice to Kurenai and me."

He hadn't realized that Hanae had met Asuma or Kurenai before. He assumed her knowledge of the village and it's residents was confined to what he had shown her. Of course she had her own life outside of the time they had shared, made connections with the people she passed. Kurenai's pregnancy had to weigh heavily on the aspiring mother. But with his own mother dying before he could make a memorable connection, he had no idea what a woman's pain could be.

So Kakashi did his best. He laid his hand on Hanae's thigh and rubbed his thumb over the fabric covering it, letting her get the sadness out.

"Asuma was a good man. A better man than me, And he would have made an amazing father. But even if you weren't close, he wouldn't want you, or anyone, to cry like this."

She wrapped her hand around his, bringing it up to her cheek and nuzzling her face into it. Her skin memorized every crease, every blister, every shadow of a scar, and every callus. Her eyes fluttered, flicking away the last hint of the falling tears, eyelashes brushing against the flat of his palm. This is how her father would comfort her when she cried, large hand nearly engulfing her face.

He let her do what she needed, fingertip brushing against the aged scar lining her left cheekbone. Kakashi wasn't used to physical affection having lived his formative years in solitude. His father, Sakumo, wasn't exactly the hugging type, but he had loved his son nonetheless, something he knew very well. Kakashi used the few examples he had to comfort her thus far, their hugs coming to him naturally as if his body knew exactly what to do. But he knew Hanae had experienced more, thus he let her take control, the touch relieving his newfound craving for contact.

Hanae turned to him with a smile, face still pressed into his hand and nose still pink from weeping. "You're right. You're always so good to me," she confessed, only to earn a chuckle in return.

It was a sweet, innocent laugh that came from the bottom of his heart, "I have to have something to keep you coming around."

"Hey," she whined at his snark, he in return curling his fingers into her cheek with another chuckle. "I said that in a moment of weakness."

"And why is that?" He quoted again.

Hanae dropped his hand from her cheek, knocking his knuckle into the rim of the glass held in her lap. "Don't you have a mission to get ready for, ninja boy?" She tried to mimic his snide attitude, falling just short of pulling off the natural sarcasm.

"As a matter of fact, I don't." The statement came with a shrug. He didn't pull his hand away from her warm lap, "but I do have a student that still needs training and a feeling that I'll be needed for something or other." He arched a muted silver brow. "Why, do you want me to leave?"

"Actually, did you want to stay?" Her meek request surprised him and for once Kakashi was the one left with a light flush instead of the farmer. It made sense ; no matter how strong she was, the woman was still on edge after the funeral and fearful that she may one day be attending his. The fear made her want to keep him close and enjoy his presence for as long as she could. After all, their time together could be cut short at any moment.

"You're taking this very fast," he teased with a waggling brow. There was that blush.

"I didn't mean -!" She was cut off my him pressing their hands against her lips.

"I'll stay," he conceded with an eye wrinkling smile. "Your house is closer to the training grounds than mine. But don't try anything funny. I am a shinobi after all."

-

The bed felt a lot better than a camping mat.

Kakashi looked to his side where Hanae slept, moonlight highlighting her shoulder and side of her face. She had fallen asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, no doubt exhausted by the tears she had shed that day. The sight was comforting ; with the threat of the Akatsuki looming over Konoha still huge, he found solace in knowing that she would be by his side throughout the night.

He secretly worried that she would become a victim of a senseless slaughter, a simple civilian caught up in a shinobi's war. The sword display above the bed reminded him that she in fact knew how to defend herself. Hanae was not a weak woman, but now she was his woman, and that fact in turn brought a weakness to him. 

For shinobi love was an occupational hazard. Every mission presented danger and there might come a day where he couldn't return. Love was a weak point that was easily exploited. And as much as he didn't want to admit to weakness, he also didn't want to lose her.

Running a finger over her outstretched wrist, Kakashi found her pulse. The gentle throb under tan skin reaffirmed that this woman was real and really in front of him. And while winding his fingers through hers, he realized that this was something he could get used to.

"So I guess this is going to become a regular thing?"

Kakashi could have sworn he saw Hanae's parted lips curl into a smile as he finally surrendered to sleep.