To Brooklyn, With Love (Completed) - Finding You Book 2

Harrison

The hell it isn't. Seeing her with him sent me over an edge I don't want to go off.

"What will Sophie think?" I say quickly and she frowns again.

"Nothing. Because there's nothing to think," she stops. "I'm not doing anything wrong,"

I shake my head and take another sip of beer. "Whatever. Sorry I'm not down with you fucking other guys in the bedroom next to mine. Forgive me,"

Her cheeks go pink, her eyes wide.

"Is that what you think?" her eyes fill with tears. Oh no.

My head is fuzzy. I might say something I don't mean, but at this point there's nothing I could say to make it much worse.

"I guess you don't know me at all," she says, her voice breaking for just a second before she grits her teeth and wipes her eyes. She's clearly pissed.

We might have broken up months ago, but that doesn't mean I like seeing her laugh with other guys. It's too hard to be her friend. It's too hard to keep waking up under the same roof everyday, knowing that nothing will ever change. I can't do it anymore.

I can't keep playing house with her when I don't know what I want. I can't keep waiting to have a breakthrough, like I have been for the last 5 months.

"This isn't working," I say to her slowly before turning my eyes to meet hers. She's still frowning. "You're not happy, Brooklyn. And I'm not either. And being around you...it's fucking me up," I tell her, smoothing my hand along her soft cheek. My eyes flick to her lips. I remember how they taste and how they feel. I know how she feels about me, and I know what I'm doing is mean, but I'm too far gone to make myself stop.

"Because I don't know if I hate you or if I love you, and I'm not sure I'll ever know,"

She pulls my hand away, as I lean in close to her lips. It's the alcohol, I know.

"Just stop," she says, shoving me away. "One minute you're telling me you want to just be friends, the next you're trying to kiss me? I turn around and you're taking me to Disney World, and now you're telling me you think you hate me?" she frowns. "Make up your fucking mind, Harry. Either you want me or you don't,"

I've been avoiding this elephant in the room for months. I guess I can't anymore.

"I don't know why I put up with this," she says, shaking her head. I sit there silently. I'm snapping. I'm finally breaking. What am I doing? "I made a mistake, but I don't deserve this," she clarifies. "I'm here for our daughter, because I can't bear to tell her I have to leave. But this is too much. I have been patient. You already know how I feel about you. Please don't use that against me,"

I do know. If I told her I loved her and wanted her back, she would jump in head first. Maybe that's what she wants me to say. Maybe she's bringing Ben home just to make me jealous. Maybe it's working, but I've made up my mind. 

"I think I'm done," I say seriously, squinting my eyes at her.

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know. I just know it doesn't have you bringing in random men to my home. It doesn't have you in frames on my wall or sleeping in the room beside mine. Because that shit that plays with my head, and I know it plays with yours," I say. "It plays with Sophie's...thinking Mommy and Daddy are going to get married and live happily ever after," I cringe. "But we're not,"

"What does that mean?" she asks again.

"You can be Sophie's Mom. You can see her whenever you want. But I can't breathe anymore, Brooklyn. You're smothering me,"

"I barely talk to you,"

"So why bother to continue to even try?"

"So that's it. This morning everything is normal and now you want me out of your life. Completely. You avoid talking about it for months, trying to wish it away, and now out of the blue it's just over. There's nothing to talk about?" she says wildly.

"I guess so. For now," I say firmly. I'm being a real jerk. I know I am, because I've never seen this look in her eyes before. But I can't stop. If I do, I'll never get my head right.

"For now? What the hell does that even mean? When you decide it's okay for me to be around again you're going call me up and ask me to come home? I can't wait around for you to decide that you forgive me,"

"So don't," I say.

"Go to bed, Harry. You're drunk. You don't mean any of it," she says, dumping the rest of her beer down the sink and heading up the stairs.

"That's the thing, Brooklyn," I say with a sad smile. "I actually do,"

She stomps upstairs and closes her bedroom door. I sit in the kitchen for another few moments, hashing out what I've just done. How I've just gone from zero to 60 in seconds flat. I don't know why I've done it...maybe just because I wanted her to hurt as much as she hurt me.

Now that I have, I don't know what will happen.

I head upstairs and turn off my light, knowing she's in the room beside me, probably thinking I'll change my mind. But I won't. We'll wake up in the morning and my mind will still be made up. I can't stay in love with someone who lies, and I can't fall out of love with her until she's gone. I don't want to see her around other guys.

I don't want to see her fall slowly in love with someone else.