university | lrh

18 - promise

I'm stunned, to say the least, that he would say such a thing. I'm sure my face contorts into all forms of confusion, but he still doesn't look at me.

"Why-" I start softly, feeling confused and concerned at his words. "-why would you say that?"

Maybe it's the hoarseness of my voice, or maybe it's the genuine confusion he hears, but he finally looks back at me, blue eyes full of emotion that I can't even begin to decipher.

Fear, maybe. But there's many more I can't quite comprehend.

"Didn't you hear what they said?" His body is turned toward mine and his eyes don't waver from my own. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit intimidated by his stare. "What they said about me?" Luke shakes his head and I can tell he's working himself up. "You shouldn't want anything to do with me."

It's almost ironic, really, hearing him say this. Considering I'd been convincing myself for months that it's him who doesn't want anything to do with me.

I so desperately want to reach out, to grab his hand, or for him to touch me in some way, but he seems hesitant and it makes me much too nervous. So I hold myself back and settle for inching the slightest bit toward him from our position on my small bed.

I choose my words carefully, wanting to somehow ease his tenseness. "I don't care what they said, Luke," he swallows and takes his bottom lip between his teeth. "I care about what you say."

"You do?"

I nod. "I was stupid, and kind of confused, before," I almost laugh. "I got embarrassed, I guess-"

"I'm sorry," Luke winces. "I-Elise I'm so sorry," his voice is frantic now as he interrupts, and my nerves only grow when he reaches a hand up to run harshly through his hair as his eyes pinch close quickly. He looks stressed to say the least. "I shouldn't have done what I did." He says the last part quietly and suddenly it's my turn to wince because I know exactly what he's referring to.

"Was I-" I fiddle with my fingers nervously, feeling extremely embarrassed at this point, as he'd just confessed that our intimate moment was a mistake. I swallow my nervous and try not to sound upset, although I know I fail. "-did I do something wrong?"

I hadn't expected his eyes to snap open so quickly, and I definitely hadn't expected him to cup both of his hands around my face in one swift motion. "What-what do you mean?" His words are hurried and he looks far too concerned.

"I-I don't know," I can't look away from his eyes even though everything in me wants to cower away. "It seems like you regret what we did and I just-" my quiet confession is cut off, once again, by a bewildered and breathy laugh from Luke.

"Baby," he breathes and my heart flips when he lets the pads of his thumbs brush across my cheeks. "I could never regret anything with you, ever."

"But you said you shouldn't have..." I trail off and Luke sighs.

"I shouldn't have, no, but that doesn't mean I regret it," his voice is soft. "I let myself get carried away, and I've been trying so, so hard not to do that with you," He brings one hand down to find my own, holding it ever so gently as I try to calm the pounding of my heart. "I'm sorry."

"I don't want you to be sorry," I whisper.

Luke sighs and tilts his head down slightly. "Elise," He brings his lip between his teeth for a quick moment. "You don't understand. What Cole and them were saying...it's who I was, and I can't let myself be like that," my stomach clenches at his words but I try to ignore it. "Not with you, Lis."