Forgotten.

Everything I Didn't Say.

Forgotten.

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Chapter Five : Everything I Didn't Say.

"Taking every breath away, with all of the mistakes I've made, from all the letters that I've saved, this is everything I didn't say. I wish I could've made you stay and I'm the only one to blame, I know that it's a little too late, this is everything I didn't say."

Kyle Hemmings

15th November 2014 , 10:58p.m.

"She has amnesia."

"She's not going to remember anything."

"Loss of memory."

The words keep echoing at the back of my mind since the minute the doctor told me about her situation.

To think of Chrissy. My feelings for her is confusing. I like her, but I don't like her.

I've made a huge mistake. I realized it only just now, in the hospital. I realize I still care for Chrissy. I still like her. And all this time, I've been hurting her. But I didn't know that, I was too blinded in love to realize or see that.

Jenna is nice and she's just like Chrissy. But she's nothing like her. I don't know how to say it. It couldn't be explained. I had a chance with her, but I didn't grab it. It's funny how you can fall in love with a person you didn't even notice the first time you meet them.

List of things before I go to bed :

1) I play scenes in my head.

I imagined Chrissy waking up, remembering everything.

I imagined me telling Jenna that I still like Chrissy.

I imagined what would happen once I tell the truth to everyone.

2) I practise things I'm gonna say.

Hey Chris, I'm sorry that I hurt you. Can we start over.

Chris, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Can we ... start again?

Chris, let's play a game. We'll play Titanic. You be ice berg and I go down, okay?

3) I have endless 'what if(s)' .

What if Chris never remembers me.

What if I screw up again.

What if nothing will ever go back to the way it is.

What if she hates me.

What if she doesn't want to start over.

4) I think of the time I missed.

When me and Chrissy represented our school for track and field and we lost just by merely a few seconds, but we laughed at ourselves and vowed to do better next time.

When me and Chrissy ditched maths class for practise even when we really don't need to be there.

5) I ask myself a lot of questions.

Why did I ever let go of the one and only chance I ever had.

Why did I let her go.

Why am I so stupid.

Why am I so pathetic.

Can I make this right again?

The times I shared with Chrissy is like heaven is a place on earth. She is so positive, she makes everything feels right even when it's totally not. I wish I could rewind the time, I'd tell her that she is the one. She keeps me awake all night, thinking about the stupid things we always do to annoy or piss people off. I missed the time that I could've showed her how much she mean to me.

I remember the time she held my hand as we ran from the lockers, when we pasted loads of sticky notes on Calum's locker so he'd have a hard time opening it. The warmth of her hand against mine, I wished I put her first. I was blinded by what I have, I took her for granted. I was wrong I admit, I was busy flirting when she was slipping from my fingertips.

I really wish someone could wake me up, and tell me this is just a bad dream. Tell me Chrissy is not unconscious, tell me everything is all right. Everything I did wrong, I just hope Chrissy will forgive me. It's hard, but I can hope. Now I'm all alone, holding on to a broken and empty heart. Now she's gone, and I'm just here waiting like a fool. Flowers I should've bought for her, the hours I could've be with her , I just wish I could go back to the start.

She takes my breath away, amazingly retarded but someway she's so intelligent. With all of the mistakes I've made, all the words that's been hanging from the tip of my tongue. This is everything I wish you knew. If only I could make you stay when you walked away from me that last time, now I'm the one to blame as it's a little too late.

I want you to know, because of you, I would go a thousand miles, I would sacrifice. Just to make all this right again. Some day, we would pass each other by again. And that time, I won't screw up again.

If only you can hear me now. because this is everything I didn't say when I could have said.

I have to make this right again. I took out my phone and started texting.

Hey, Jenna. Meet me tomorrow morning at 10. Usual spot. I need to tell you something. -Kyle.

I have a whole lot of explaining to do.