ʜᴀɴ ᴊɪsᴜɴɢ
I stared at the ceiling as I think of what to do. I'm currently at my room waiting for hyunjin to comeback from the dance studio.
Seconds later a knock was heard. "come in!" I shouted, not sparing a look at the door as it creaks open.
"heya jisungie~" I sat up ad I heard minho hyung's voice. "hyung" I watched as he close the door and sat beside me. "what's up hyung?" I asked.
He smiled. "I just wanted to talk about you with something..." he said and scratched the back of his neck. I tilted my head in confusion and furrowed my brows. "what is it hyung?" what could it be that 'something' he want to talk about?
"I don't know how to say this..." he sighed. I stayed silent and he took that as a cue to continue what he wants to say. "are you happy?" he looked straight in my eyes when he said that. "of course hyung. Why?" I honestly don't understand why he's asking me that question right now.
"oh wait. Let me rephrase that. Are you happy with me?" he asked again and I was caught off guard. I don't want to say yes because I'd be lying but I don't want to say no either because I don't want to hurt him. I chose to stay silent.
He sighed. "I'll take that as a no then?" I looked down and bit my lip. I stayed silent again, not trusting my own voice. "but you said earlier that you're indeed happy right? I'd be assuming it's because of hyunjin?" with that, I shot my head up and met minho's gaze.
"h-hyung..." it's the only thing that came out of my mouth and nothing more. "jisung will you please say the truth and cooperate so that we can clear things out?" he doesn't sound angry, instead he sounded more irritated.
"jisung do you still love me?" I froze when I heard his question. Yes. Yes I do but not as a lover. I wanted to say that out loud but I don't want to hurt him more. I battled with my mind for a little longer and chose to say what I truly feel.
"I still do......" I closed my eyes as I continue what I want to say. "But not as a lover anymore. I love you hyung but as a brother, a friend and nothing more than that"
I glance at him to check if he's mad or not. But I saw his brows knitted slightly as if he was thinking of something.
I took his hand and held it with mine. "I'm s-sorry to say this hyung b-but..." I glance at him and he look calm. I'm sorry Minho. He looked at me this time.
"h-hyung I've been c-cheating at you with h-hyunjin. Hyung I'm s-so sorry" I started crying but I didn't expect minho to pull me into a hug after hearing what I said. I buried my face in his chest and sobbed as I gripped tightly in his shirt.
He rubbed my back repeatedly and started whispering gentle words. "jisungie please don't cry" I shook my head and sobbed more.
"Jisung look at me" he pulled me away from him gently and held me by my shoulders. I looked up at him and sniffed. He cupped my face and used his thumb to wiped my tears away.
"it's okay sung. You don't need to apologize" He smiled softly. I shook my head again. I don't understand why he's beeing nice at me when I told him that I'm cheating on him with his friend. "No hyung it's not okay. Hyung I'm a bad person I cheated on you!"
This time, he's the one who shook his head. "Listen sungie, I'm not mad. You don't need to say sorry, in fact I'm the one who needs to say sorry" he sighed and look down. I sniffed but I stoped crying. "w-whar are you t-talking about hyung?" He placed his right hand over mine and glanced back at me.
"sung...I fell out of love first" he admitted.
I fell out of love first. Those words echoed through my head. "w-what?" I trembled and my hand's kept shaking as I said those words. Minho held my hand tightly and squeezed it.
"hear me out okay?" I nodded slowly still processing what he had just said earlier. "It just happened that my family planned a trip on japan and hyunjin came for me asking if I know any apartment close to uni. I don't want you to be alone and I don't want to hurt you so I took that as a opportunity and offered ours. Jisung I'm sorry if I didn't tell you earlier and for making things worst. I got scared that I might hurt you If I broke up with you. I still care for you jisung and I wan't you to be happy so I find a way to make you happy and forget about me. Why hyunjin? because I know he'll make you happy. When you first visit me in the dance studio back then, I noticed that he took interest in you. I planned this jisung...I'm sorry if I think of myself first and not thinking of how you'll feel when you find out. But jisung I just wanted to make sure that there's someone who will look for you,take care of you, and make you happy because I know that I can't do that anymore. I'm sorry for making things complicated my baby squirrel. Hyung is so sorry" when minho finished his speech, he was crying.
"hyung I..." I forced myself to speak but nothing came out. Yes I'm upset but I understand minho. I understand why he did this. He didn't want to hurt me so he look for a way to make me happy. He didn't want to leave me broken.
He can just chose to leave me and broke up with me but he didn't, he's wrong. He's not selfish. He's selfless.
I didn't waste any time and engulf him into a hug. He gripped on my hoodie tightly just like how I did when I sobbed into his chest earlier.
"hyung you don't need to...I just wished you told me earlier hyung. I'm not mad too, hyung you're not selfish. I'm happy now hyung, that's what you wanted before you leave me right? To make sure that I'm happy? Now you can leave freely hyung. You don't need to make sure that I'm doing fine and that hyunjin's making me happy. Hyung you don't need to feel bad. I don't deserve you hyung, you're such a kind human being"I ran a hand through his hair as he sniffed.
He looked at me with puffy eyes and I grinned. "Even though I'm hyunjin now, you're still be my first and my favorite hyung so I thank you for that" I kissed his forehead and he started tearing up again.
"You're not making me leave this apartment don't you?" he sniffed again. I shook my head and chuckled. He stopped crying and look more serious now. "Tell me if hyunjin ever hurt you and I'll kick his ass off to space" he said with a tough face.
I nodded and laughed. I hugged him at his side and he accepted it. "I'm happy now hyung. What about you?" he looked down at me and smiled sheepishly. "I'm getting there..." I pouted. "no fair hyung" I whined. If I'm happy, he must be happy too.
"hey you don't need to worry sung and one more thing" he pushed me slightly away from him and I whined. "don't cling at me too much, hyunjin is a jealous baby" he chuckled and I find myself smiling at what he said.
I watched as he stood up smiling. "where are you going hyung?" I asked. "going to tell hyunjin the truth so that he'll not be a panicked gay everytime you cling to him when I'm around" he helped me up and I laughed. Still the best hyung ever.
"hyung I can't find hyunjin. He's not answering my messages" I bit my lip and sat at the couch frustrated. We walked out of my room earlier and hyunjin was nowhere to be found.
"have you try calling him?" minho sat beside me. He look as worried as me too. "yes and he's still not answering"
I sighed and burried my face into my hands. I felt minho placed his shoulder around me and held me closer. "we'll find him sung"
When I thought things got better but it turns out worst.
