Chapter Fifty Nine

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NOW
February 2018

PHIL was smiling like an idiot habang nagmamaneho. Hindi niya binibitiwan ang kamay ko at hinayaan ko lang siya kahit nangangawit na ako. The song Realize was on repeat kasi iyon nga raw ang themesong namin. Ewan ko na lang kung hindi pa ako ma-LSS sa kantang iyon.

   He was so happy and he couldn't believe the fact na sinabi kong mahal ko rin siya. Akala raw niya, wala na akong nararamdaman para sa kanya kundi galit at bitterness.

   "Hoy, para ka ng baliw d'yan," natatawang sabi ko sa kanya.

   "I can't stop smiling and it's all your fault."
   "No. Baliw ka lang talaga."

   "Baliw sa'yo."

   I blushed. "Ang keso mo!"

   "Kinikilig ka naman."

   "Of course not."

   "Eh, bakit ka nagba-blush?"

   "Phil, ah. Ang tatanda na natin para sa mga kilig-kilig at blush-blush na 'yan."

   "No one's too old for that. Pwede 'yang ma-experience ng lahat ng in love, regardless of age."

   "Yeah, whatever."

   "I'm just happy." Naging seryoso ulit ang tinig niya. "Akala ko hindi na 'to mangyayari. I was really afraid because I thought I lost you for good. Minsan, hindi ko maiwasang magsisi kung bakit pinakawalan pa kita noon. I should've chased you and took my words back. Hindi ako dapat pumayag na magkahiwalay tayo. Pero siguro nahiya na rin ako sa sarili ko no'n. Tama naman kasi ang mga kaibigan mo. I was ruining you. I couldn't be a better person then. I was too young and I had to learn my lesson the hard way...by losing you."

   "Alam mo, gusto kong magalit kina Mikaela at Kim. Hindi sila dapat nakialam. Yes, they're my bestfriends pero buhay ko pa rin 'to. I should be the one to navigate my own life. Pero na-realize kong, in some ways, they did the right thing. I was too blinded by my love for you. I didn't care about anything else. I didn't care if everything else would fall apart—including myself—as long as we're together. Masyado akong nagpakatanga eventhough I was aware na sobrang toxic na ng relasyon natin."

   "And I'm sorry you had to go through all those shits because of me."

   "Let's put everything behind. Past na 'yon, eh. Ang importante, okay na tayo ngayon."

   "I still don't think I deserve you. I still have a long way to go bago ako maging karapat-dapat sa'yo. Because honestly, you have such a big heart and you're capable of loving so much to the point na minamahal mo kahit ang mga taong hindi naman deserve ang pagmamahal mo. I am such a lucky bastard because you took me back and gave me a second chance that I don't deserve."

   "Shhh.." I stopped him. "Please stop saying that you don't deserve me. Don't think that way. You love me at iyon lang naman ang mahalaga. You deserve my love because you love me in return. Hindi ba pwedeng gano'n lang kasimple? Stop thinking that you're not enough for me, because seriously, you're more than enough. Loving you has never been easy but it's worth it."

   Napansin kong may konting luha na tumulo sa mata niya. I smiled and wiped it using my thumb.

   "Damn, you're making me emotional," he chuckled.

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