Twist Of Fate

Thirty Four

"So did you find anywhere you wanted to go?" he asks gruffly, shoving his hand deep into his pockets as we step out onto the sea front and head in the opposite direction, towards the cliffs at the other end of the bay this time. We haven't ventured up this way yet since we have been here, although of course I used to come here all the time as a child. In some ways it feels as though I have taken a step back in time. If I close my eyes and think very hard, I could pretend it is my dad walking alongside me with the heavy footsteps and low breathing. 

"I didn't, but there will be loads of places along here," I reply. "Is there anything in particular you fancy? Any type of cuisine?"

"I wouldn't mind a pizza," he says wistfully, and I give a single nod as we saunter along in the early evening sun. 

The shadows are lengthening now and the temperature has dropped, although it is still warm. Viking Bay is below us to our left, the most popular beach with the tourists in Broadstairs. In the summer months there are trampolines, a little merry-go-round, a bouncy castle and donkey rides for the young children. Several shops along the sand sell Mr Whippy ice cream, lollies, sweets, and various hot and cold drinks, and beach huts are available for anyone wanting to store their belongings or get changed in privacy. It is a beautiful crescent shaped bay with high cliffs ahead of us and a small jetty with a couple of boats moored behind us. Along the sand is a line of seaweed, left behind as the tide is going out, and as I look down over the railings I can see the last of the families packing their things up from a day on the sand, carrying inflatable lilos, buckets and spades, and a pink and blue striped windbreaker. Three little children, the oldest probably no more than seven, run around their parents in circles, still in their swimwear, laughing excitedly. The sound of their squeals carries up to the path, and I catch Harry watching them too, a faraway look on his face as his eyes follow the family's movements along the beach to the stone steps and out of sight.

"Did you ever go on holiday as a kid?" I wonder out loud, and he turns to look at me with a wry smile.

"No. My mum was a drunk. I was pretty much left to fend for myself as soon as I was able."

I am as taken aback by this blunt confession as Harry probably was when I told him about my parents.

"What about your dad?" I ask, curiously.

"Never knew him. He left before I was even born. I don't think he ever had a proper relationship with my mum. I don't know if it was a one night stand, or a casual thing, but he wasn't interested in being a dad. My mum got married when I was six, to a guy who used to... to knock her about and stuff. And when I stood up to him, he used to knock me about, too. I hated him. I left home as soon as I was old enough."

I am staring at Harry with my mouth open - not only because of his own sad childhood that I can identify with on so many levels, but also because he has just told me this part of himself without any hesitation. I don't know if he readily opens up to everyone about this, but something in his tone of voice tells me he doesn't.

It also explains a lot about the way Harry behaves: if he has been brought up with violence and aggression at home from an early age, it is no wonder he reacts the way he does when things don't go his way. He is simply displaying a learned behaviour. 

I feel a rush of compassion and sympathy for him. It just reinforces my belief that we should never judge another until we have walked a mile in their shoes. And I have been decidedly guilty of judging Harry since the moment I met him. While his past may not excuse his behaviour, it certainly explains a lot of it. And I more than most should have known not to judge.

"I'm really sorry, Harry," I tell him softly.

He gives his usual shrug. "Why? Not your fault. Not anyone's fault. I just drew the short straw when it came to parents. Might as well be dead, for all the use they were..." He trails off and looks at me uncomfortably. "Fuck - I didn't mean it like that... sorry."