Run With Me ➵ Newt [2]

SIX | the tattoos

Newt stared at the dusty ground. Unlike me, his memories were still lost, taken away by WICKED long ago, and he couldn't remember anything about his life before the Maze, no matter how hard he tried.

"Well, don't torture yourself for that," he said. "It's not your fault WICKED took you away-"

"No, Newt, you don't understand, I-I..." I blinked back tears. "I went to WICKED willingly. The man who came to take me away gave me a choice, and-and I followed him, even though my parents made it pretty clear they didn't want me to go. I joined WICKED on my own accord."

I took a deep breath.

"And my dad got killed because of it."

Newt's face darkened, his expression turning grave and sad. His eyes looked black in the night light, not like the warm brown tone I was so used to seeing. I turned away from him, tears now falling freely from my eyes.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm a monster."

I started to turn away, but Newt held me back. I didn't dare to look at him, didn't dare to see the unwelcoming hatred and anger in his eyes, but his voice was soft and gentle when he said, "Rose, you're not a monster."

"How can you say that?" I sobbed, burying my face in my hands. "I practically killed my own father!"

"Rose," Newt's voice was soft but stern. "You have to understand that it's not your fault. You were young, you didn't understand what was goin' on. You didn't know how bloody horrible was WICKED was. None of us did. And even if you didn't go with 'em willingly they would've forced you to go anyway. They probably would have done much worse."

He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me, and I buried my face in him, reminding me painfully of when I hugged my mother in fear before I got taken away. Before the man offered me the choice. Before everything went wrong. 

I cried silently into Newt's shoulder, my chest heaving and arms shaking. He sat there, hugging me in silence for a long time, never complaining once despite my ugly sobbing.

"My real name is Audrey," I said quietly.

"Sorry, what was that?"

"My real name. It's Audrey."

Newt leaned back and I glanced up at him. He blinked at me in surprise.

"Oh." He said. "Well... d'ya want me to start callin' you Audrey?"

Despite the hole in my heart and my tear-streak face, I laughed. "No, no, I just... I just wanted you to know."

"Which name do ya prefer then? Audrey? Or Rosalind?"

I stared at nothing in particular, pondering. The name Audrey brought back painful memories of my nightmare, of my parents, of the black-haired man; but at the same time, the name Rosalind was ruined for me now that I knew what my real name was.

"I don't know," I admitted.

"How 'bout this?" Newt said. "We forget about Audrey and Rosalind and call you Rose instead. That good?"

I blinked slowly. Then I smiled and wiped away my tears.

"Good that."

-

Dawn broke through, the first rays of sunlight creeping through the sky, then morning came, the sky slowly turning into a vibrant shade of blue as clouds floated about. Through my sleepy daze I heard Thomas calling us awake, his voice cutting through the air. I blinked sleepily and glanced about; the others were stirring from their sleep, yawning and stretching with strained expressions.