Not A Love Letter [KNJ] ✔

0.9

At least I wanna tell you to stop
But I can't
I enjoy your little notes
They make me feel
Um, well...they make me feel nice?
Sure, nice. We'll go with that. Yea, nice.
It makes me feel nice.
And you know what I was so caught up in your little notes and the new feeling of niceness
That I actually said yes to going to a cafe with you.
Big mistake.

I knew I was right about you playing me
But that nice feeling was just so new and
Well
Nice, that I didn't want it to stop.
I knew that as soon as I stepped into that cafe
On a lovely Saturday to meet you
That something bad would happen
And I was so right because I still smell the coffee and hot coco and the milk shake in my hair.
And please tell me who spent their time making a bucket full of slime to dump on me?
Cause that shit's still in my hair.
It's bullshit really. All I ever did was be born
So why am I being punished?
It's not like I forced myself out of that vagina.

But part of me still questions if you knew or wanted those boys to dump stuff on me. Cause when I looked at you
You're eyes held shock and confusion.
So maybe you didn't plan this.
Maybe you didn't even know that they knew we'd be there. I mean those guys always has a way to figure stuff out though.
And I don't know why I'm trying to convince myself of this
You're a no good dick, who's part of that no good group of icky stinky boys. But I don't want to expect it.
Because I don't want my nice feeling to go away.
Even though I was supposed to hate you, I couldn't and I hate myself for that.
Every single time you gave me a note that had an apology written on it, or a joke
I felt that nice feeling again, so I kept the notes
And whenever that special feeling was gone I'd read them.
But soon I didn't need to read them
Everytime I looked at you I felt that nice feeling.
It was great, but I couldn't tell you.
I still had to act like I hated you.
But trust me Namjoon,
It.
Was.
Hella.
Hard.

I'm pretty sure that you actually wanted to be my friend or something, but I think they made you stop wanting that.
But even though they told you to stop talking to me and even loon at me,
You still wrote letters.
You shouldn't have done that.
They're saving you from disappointment. I'm not someone good to be around if I'm being completely honest.
Everyone says I'm too depressing and toxic
And I truly don't blame them.
I've always ruined the mood for everything.
I'm sorry in advance for everything.
So please Namjoon,
Stop
Writing
Letters.
For my little heart can't take it.
It's craving your letters, your face, your presence
More and more
It's not healthy for me, nor is it normal.
Let me feel normal again.