Developed Insanity: A Hetalia crack book

The Legend of Cotton-Eyed Joe (Part One)

"It's just a prank bro! Chill out!"

"Fuck jou A, I'm outta here and I'm taking my awesomeness vith me."

Prussia stormed down the steps of America's "Awesome-only house." Of course, the problem was yet another "prank," courtesy of a certain hyperactive nation. Normally, Prussia didn't mind when America played pranks, especially if they were on someone else. Sometimes, even if Gilbert himself was the butt if the joke, he couldn't help but laugh at his friend's creativity and knack for mischief. One time, he replaced England's eyebrow gel with bright, neon green dye. His many eyebrows were green for almost two months, not even his hocus-pocus nonsense could get it out. But this time, Alfred had taken it too far.

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About 2 hours before
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He called Prussia at 2 am, screaming about how Germany was taken hostage by some dude who had nabbed him on his way out of the G8 meeting, and that he needed to get to the Awesome house right now so they could figure out a way to get him back. Prussia nearly flew out of his bed, almost tripped down the hotel stairs more than once, and was over to the Awesome Trio's American Hang Out House in record time. He was in such a rush that he failed to notice the trip wire stretching across the front door. The panicked nation barely got the words "Where's Ludwig?" out when he triggered the trap. A bucket tipped over, sending honey cascading over Prussia. Before the silver-haired boy could even react, he was hit in the face with a pillow. Golden feathers exploded everywhere, covering Prussia's honey-drenched form in fuzzy feathers. A camera flashed, and out jumped America. He was barely able to speak because he was laughing so hard.

"DUDE! THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE IS PRICELESS!!! OH MY GOD, THAT WAS AWESOME!!!"

Fortunately or unfortunately, Alfred couldn't speak without dissolving into laughter after that. He rolled around on the floor, oblivious to the burning eyes of his victim.

"Dude, what's happening out here? You decide to have a party at 2 am or something?" A bleary eyed Denmark stumbled into the front foyer, clutching a pillow in his arms. He was violently awoken as he processed the scene in front of him. He nearly lost his composure when he first saw Prussia, covered in feathers that were very, very similar to those of his pet bird. All laughter died in his throat when he locked eyes with Prussia. The blood red eyes that normally sparkled with joy and mischief had been consumed with a burning, terrifying flame. Blanching, Denmark slowly backed away to America, and kicked him in the side.

"Yo dude, what was that for?" America said, standing up and wiping the tears out of his eyes.

"I don't think Gil is laughing at your prank this time. Check out his face."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yeah right, what are you-"

Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the sudden stab of terror that shocked his body. America finally got a better look at Prussia, and was frozen by what he saw. His friend had not been laughing along like he had planned. No, the Prussian was livid. If looks could kill, Alfred would've died, gotten buried, then cremated, then thrown into the ocean, gotten his ashes eaten by a shark, and gotten revived, only to do it all over again.

"He-hey buddy, what's uh, what's on your mind? Um, you seem kin- kinda, uh, stressed?" Prussia's hands curled into fists, and Demark started mentally planning America's funeral. The Nordic nation slowly, ever so slowly backed away into the kitchen, where he had less chance of getting killed by a rage filled albino.

"Kinda stressed? Kind of stressed? Jou called me over at 2 am, after I had a stupidly unawesome day, and told me my baby bruder vas kidnapped. Not only that, but the kidnapper threatened his life? " Prussia's voice increased in volume, and he stalked towards America, jabbing a finger to his chest. "I rushed over, in my pajamas, AT 2 AM , just to get pranked?! Ja, I'd say I vas kind of stressed!"