The Trials of a Misunderstood Teenager | ✅

Chapter 22 - Aftermath

Upon our arrival, many students came to greet us, hug us, and we started crying together. And it wasn't just the girls, but also the boys. Ever since I started high school, the students became a close unit, and when one of us suffered or was in distress, it affected all of us. So, naturally, the shooting brought us closer together.

It was way past midnight when Tobias urged us to return home. I figured, he was eager to see his girlfriend, whom he said stayed behind in the guest room. I didn't inquire why he came in the first place, if he wanted to be someplace else, figuring I would sound petty, and kept my mouth shut. He drove Lynn home first, then Uriah, and then stopped at his house, where he parked the car. We had already decided I would walk home, since we lived like three houses apart. Marlene and I hugged, and said goodnight, while Tobias insisted to walk me home.

To my utter surprise, he climbed into my room with me, and just sat down on the floor next to me. We didn't speak for a long time, and when I couldn't keep it in anymore, I started crying. It was both an awkward and comforting moment when he wrapped his arms around me, and tried to soothe me. However, in the dead of night the events of the day came rushing back, and my mind started seeing all the faces of those I couldn't save. I cried bitterly and with desperation, and it felt as if I would never be able to stop. Tobias kept quiet for the whole time I was breaking, but not once letting go of me. The feel of his arms around me made my heart soar, but at the same time shatter into a million pieces. He was here with me, but at the same time, he wasn't mine. I had no right to keep him away from the one he loved, just because I was a wuss and started crying like an infant. A part of me wanted to send him home, whilst a bigger, more selfish part, wanted to lock him in my room, and never let him go.

The rational part won, however. I started to calm down, and when the tears subsided, I told Tobias I was good, and he should go home. He surprised me, though, when he stayed, and we had a heart to heart. It was both refreshing and nostalgic at the same time. For the first time in years, I felt as if I had my best friend back, because that's what he always was, even when he was my lover.

We talked the whole time, sitting side by side, first on the floor, and then moved onto my bed, where we leaned against the wall. We talked about our break up, and once again, I asked him to forgive me for hurting him. I made sure, however, that he knew that even after everything, I am glad we had ended our relationship. At that particular sentence, he stared at me in shock, and soon I could see the hurt in his eyes.

"I didn't mean it like that. I meant, despite the heartache we both felt, the break up helped us grow as individuals. I know I said before that I did it for you, and I admit now that it was a lie. I wanted to spare myself a broken heart. It didn't work that way, though. My heart did break, Tobias. I loved you very much, and I probably always will," I told him smiling, and his eyebrows shut up in surprise, not expecting to hear those words coming from me. "You were my first love, and you were wonderful. I was a total bitch to you the weeks before and after we broke up. But I don't fully regret it. Back then, I was a different person, selfish, jealous, stubborn, self-destructive. I might still be all those things, but I am more mature now. I see things clearer and don't approach every problem I face as if it's the end of the world. In the long run, we would have resented, maybe even hated each other." He shook his head when I said that, but I continued. "Maybe you wouldn't, but I would have. That's the kind of person I used to be."

We really talked through everything, having the post-break-up-talk we both needed and never had. We both got hurt, we both cried, we both sought happiness in others. I think, once we both got all the negativity out of our systems, we finally accepted that it was over.

When he finally left my room, we hugged, and he asked if we could be friends again. My first impulse was to say no, but a small part inside of me yelled at me to say yes. I nodded shyly, and he left.