chemistry (c.h)

the process

"You just caught me at a bad time," I told him, only halfway kidding as I remembered he had come home when there was a boy upstairs, sleeping in my bed. "I'm fine, really."

"Maya..." Dad said, giving me a look which eventually caused me to sigh. "Talk to me."

"I can't," I said, which was most definitely the worst thing to reply with. Not only did it give away that there was something going on, but it also made me seem secretive, which was not usually in my vocabulary. Some girls talk to their best friends about everything, some girls talk to their mom's about everything, but I talked to my dad about everything.

"You can't?" Dad asked, seeming surprised. "Or... you don't want to?"

"No, of course I want to," I told him, finding myself sighing again as I sat down at one of the barstools. "I guess I don't really know how to talk about it."

"That was going to be my third option, you just didn't give me enough time," Dad assured me, causing my head to tilt back as I let out a laugh. "What's up, Maya?" He asked again, sitting down beside of me. "You can tell me anything, you know that."

"I know that..." I nodded, but didn't bother looking over at him. What was I supposed to say to him? What was it that I even wanted to tell him? There was no way I was going to tell him there had been a boy in my bed. I wanted to know how I could tell him about Calum without naming Calum, or giving him too much information in order to keep not only myself, but Calum out of trouble, too. "There's a boy."

"Oh," Dad said, dumbstruck, as if that was the last thing on his mind. I couldn't imagine what it was my dad was expecting to hear me say, but how did he not know this was about a boy?

It wasn't obvious, but I wished it was obvious. And, as a teenaged girl, I was really good at blowing things out of proportion merely because I thought everyone should understand me at all times.

"It's just frustrating, that's all," I said, hopping down from the stool I was sitting on and walking around the kitchen island to grab my omelet.

"Hey, whoa," Dad said, stopping me before I could take the plate anywhere. "That wasn't a talk at all."

"You're already disappointed! I said the word 'boy' and it blew your mind," I told him, rolling my eyes as I felt a million emotions come over me.

"Maya, I'm not disappointed. I've never been anywhere near disappointed in you. I just wasn't expecting—"

"Dad, I'm a straight girl, what do you mean you weren't expecting—"

"Can I please talk?" Dad wasn't mad, by any means, but he wanted to get his words across before I continued. I nodded and looked down, feeling embarrassed that I was lashing out for no reason. "Maya, I didn't mean to upset you, okay? I expect you to like boys, I'm not a total idiot. I'm not surprised that there's a boy, I'm surprised because I haven't heard you talk about a boy before. Your mom starting preparing me on how to tell when you liked someone a decade ago. She always said it was a process. You come home one day with a bigger smile than usual, and you'd mention some guy's name that we hadn't heard before and then it would continue, and that smile would keep growing the more and more you mentioned that guy. That's what I've been ready for, and it was stupid of me to think it was going to happen just like that, but that's the only reason I was surprised."

"I'm sorry," I told him, wanting him to know I wasn't trying to be an obnoxious teenager, but that it was in my natural agenda. "Mom always told me that's how it worked, and I thought she was crazy. I thought boys were gross back then." Dad laughed quietly as I walked back over to him and sat on the stool again. "You've been gone a week, Dad... I think you missed a little bit of that process." By the look on my dad's face, I knew my words hadn't settled in well, and that they upset him.