Kissing Away Insecurities | ✓

Chapter 51 - Understanding Unspoken

"Care to explain what's bothering you?" He asked washing his hand and wiping it.

"Nothing!" She said quickly walking out. 

Was she still mad at him?

For the night?

He followed her out. "Anika." She chose to ignore. He was irritated now. He took long strides and blocked her way. "Tell me!" He said looking at her squarely in the eyes. He did not want another hiding and staying hurt cycle. "If there is something let me know. Say it." He tried to calm his tone but that did not happen. His frustration at her not sharing it with him found its way out in his tone.

She looked away. "Forget it." She tried stepping away. He held her hand –the right one– not the one that was hurt, and pulled her back. 

Inches away from him she stood. She looked at him enraged. "Shivaayyy..." She exclaimed glaring.

"What's the problem?" This time his voice was soft and concerned. She got angry only when something bothered her very much.

"I am scared. " She said, knowing there was no way out. She didn't want to jump to baseless conclusions. But it bothered her. She was fearful. She knew telling him would only add to the guilt on his head.

"What happen?" He asked softly, cupping her face.

She gently pushed his hand. "I ...its stupid...but.."

"What?"

"We ..." Her voice trailed off and she took a breath and spoke, "we didn't use protection last night. The other day also.." She said looking at his hands. 

He took a sigh of relief. That was it. She got him so scared. "It's okay Anika. You won't get pregnant and even if you do, didn't we decide we will accept the unexpected. " he gently tucked her hair tipping her chin with his index finger to make her look up at him.

She was irritated now. How could he be so cool about it?

"Shivaay. Move. " her irritation was evident.

"Wait. What's wrong?"

"I am around the fourteenth day, Shivaay. It means...high chance of being pregnant. Last night I tried telling you but you .." She stopped abruptly. Oh, no! She should have shut her mouth. 

"But I was an ass." He said sighing. He still did not understand why was she so worried about it? It would have been another thing if they hadn't had that conversation. But after talking it? Why ?She wasn't ready to be a mother, yet? That was the only way he could put it. 

"Anika.."

"Shivaay...I know this seems stupid. I should simply wait before jumping the gun. But, this is not easy. It's worrying me. And I don't know how to put this aside till the right time."

He looked baffled. "Anika, I understand... but even if you...are... I will.."

"This is it Shivaay. I don't want to be." The decibels of her voice higher than normal.

"Anika .." He said softly, slightly hurt by her adamant behavior.

"I don't want to put more responsibilities over your shoulders right now. Not because of me. Because I want you to live for yourself for a while. Best son, son in law, businessman, husband...and soon you'll happily take up being the best parent. Nothing wrong in it. But I understand, what you put up with. I haven't seen you do anything that gives 'you' happiness in past one year and more. It's always us..the family you put before yourself. Shivaay. I don't want things to be bottled up inside you. The things you'd want to do. The things that define you. I don't want you to lose yourself. I want you to be a little selfish and live for yourself. Carefree like you used to."

Shivaay was taken aback was an understatement. He simply gazed at her. Sinking in every word she said.

"You've changed so much. In a good way. You've become so responsible. You are perfect. But..do you realise, that – the confident Shivaay is disappearing. The Shivaay confident with being the real himself."

Shivaay looked on. She understood everything. He hadn't spoken a word about his deepest conflicts. But she still understood! 

She simply understood the unspoken!

A very happy marriage anniversary to you @sri210 💑

Wishing you love and togetherness forever!

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-Anami!💙