My Love, My Saviour, My Student 2 • Shawn Mendes

8.

Faye Dawson
I was so nervous. I hadn't felt this nervous in ages. Just seeing him shirtless sent the butterflies inside me wild. I tried to stop my hand from shaking as I held his arm and my bag. I shouldn't be this nervous. It was just Shawn. But I felt like we truly were starting all over again.
"So where are we actually going?" I asked trying to settle my nervousness.
"Well if you still like Italian food then there's a new fancy restaurant round the corner ?" Shawn asked and I nodded.
"Of course I still like Italian food" I smiled to myself, liking the fact that he remembered what I liked.

"Hi. I made a reservation under Mendes?" Shawn asked the lanky gentleman behind the restaurant desk.
I stood behind and out of the way.
The man flicked his eyes over names and briefly looked up at the clock. Shawn looked behind him and made eye contact with me. He smiled and I came to stand next to him, my heels making me taller next to him.
"Ok Mr and Mrs Mendes if you just wait a moment someone will guide you to your table" the man said walking away from us.
His comment about us being husband and wife sent my stomach turning and a flush came to my face.
"Mr and Mrs Mendes if you would like to follow me please" a girl said and I rolled my eyes.
"We're not mar-" I began before Shawn shushed me.
"Thank you" he smiled and we followed the girl into the restaurant.

"Shawn! Oh my god I can't afford this" I said as we were sat down at a small table in the corner.
"You don't have to. I'm paying" he said and a familiar heat crept onto my cheeks.
"Thank you"
"It's the least I can do after everything" Shawn said and I tried not to meet his eye. "Faye look at me" he said reaching one of his hands across the table.
"I don't want to" I whispered taking one of my hands up and over my scar, like a reflex. "I'm worried that if I look at you then I'll just fall for you all over again"
"Why are you scared of falling for me again? Isn't that what you want?" Shawn said and I forced my eyes to look at him.
"It's not the falling I'm scared of. I'm scared of my heart breaking. Again" I said and Shawn averted his gaze.
"You didn't seem heart broken. You still went and travelled" he said and I rolled my eyes and scoffed at him.
"I text you and called you every day and you never once picked up the phone to me. I travelled to get my mind off of you. When I was sat in the hospital I thought about how I wanted you with me. I cried thinking that you'd forgotten me and were hooking up with every other girl you saw" I said all truthfully. "Did you?"
"I'm not going to lie to you Faye yes I did ignore your calls. Yes I slept with girls and went to parties that I shouldn't of gone to" Shawn admitted.

I bit my tongue. I wasn't going to let myself cry over him. I fiddled with the hairband on my wrist and looked anywhere but Shawn. Why did I still love him? Each time I looked into those big brown eyes I fell more and more. There was no stopping it. I was going to fall through his fingers until I broke.

"Faye you have to believe me when I say it was the worst mistake I have and will ever make. I can't tell you how much I regret what I did. Why would anyone want to loose you? Why would anyone take you for granted? Every time my family would mention you I would feel more and more guilty. I thought I could get rid of the guilt by partying. And that was wrong" Shawn said and I could tell he was being sincere.
"Why didn't you just text me back or call me or something?" I asked. "I would of responded to you"
"I don't know. I did think about it once or twice but I thought that by that time you would of never forgiven me. I had already done the damage" he said and I nodded.
"Yes but we could of started this again much earlier than now" I said managing a small smile.
"Maybe it's fate"
"You know I don't believe in fate" I said and he took my hand in his finally.
"Well maybe you should start" he whispered.

"You ready to go?" Shawn asked before swallowing down the last of his beer. I nodded and stood up slowly. Shawn raised, pulling on his blazer and offered me his arm.
I folded my arms over my chest and he rolled his eyes before shoving his hands in his pockets.
As we walked out of the restaurant the cold hit me and I involuntarily shivered.
"Here" Shawn said shrugging off his jacket.
"No no Shawn you'll get cold" I said just folding my arms.
"I'd rather be cold than know that you're cold. Take it. Please" he said wrapping it round my shoulders and I nodded pushing my arms through.
"Thank you" I smiled.
"So. Erm. Would you like to come back to mine? For a drink?" Shawn asked scratching the back of his neck.
I pretended to think for a moment when all along I knew what I would say.
"Yes ok that would be nice thank you" I said knowing a blush had crept onto my face. I thanked the fact that it was dark.
I knew I probably shouldn't. I didn't want to seem too forgiving and that I was letting him in too easily.

The walk back to Shawn's was quiet, only the occasional comment being thrown around here and there.
When we were stood inside his house it was awkward and a bit tense.
"I might get changed" Shawn said staring to unbutton his shirt. "You can as well if you like?"
"I don't have any clothes" I said shyly tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.
"Borrow some of mine." He shrugged leaving his shirt fully unbuttoned. I nodded and followed him up the stairs and into his room. "So I can give you joggers and a tshirt or boxer shorts and a jumper. What do you want?" Shawn laughed sorting through his things.
"Your gym shorts and a jumper please" I said spying his black gym shorts. He handed me his shorts and his Mendes hockey jersey and I thanked him heading into the bathroom.

I stared at myself in the mirror in his clothes. The jersey was massive and I had to pull the shorts tight so they fit. I felt tears well in my eyes but took some deep breaths and held them back. I missed this. Being with Shawn in his clothes.
"Faye? I've made you a drink and I'll meet you in the attic" Shawn said through the wood of the door.
"I'll be there in a minute!" I said back brushing my hair with my fingers as I heard his footsteps walk away.
I took a few more deep breaths and opened the door. I walked slowly up to the attic, trying not to slip on the wooden stairs in my socks. As I opened the door and saw candles around the fire and sofas I knew within myself that resisting him would be harder than I thought.