Forgetting Hogwarts

13. Personal message

POV Draco

I often think about my confession at Hogwarts. To our sadness. In your eyes.

I want to see you again.

I would like you to take the initiative.

That you find the courage. Once again.

I want to go all the way in my confession, this time. Tell you everything.

I listen in loop this song that says: "At the end of the phone, there is your voice. And there are the words that I will not say. All those scary words when they do not make you laugh. That can be found in too many movies, songs and books. I would like to tell you, and I will want to live them ... "

Courage, I still do not find it.

And if I call and find Ginny, what will I tell her? She ordered me not to see you again. I disobeyed, with the help of your son.

Not very glorious.

Afterwards, she took revenge on the children ... not very glorious either.

But I understand that she wants me.

She does not forgive me for seeing you again.

She does not forgive me for taking you out of the doldrums. It was her role. She's afraid I'll take her place. Maybe she preferred you sick, at her mercy?

She did not forgive you the absolution given to the children, I learned it from Skorpius.

oooOOOOOoooooOOOOOOoooooOOOO

I spend hours reliving these confidences, and I do not know where I am.

And I do not know where you are.

There is always this attraction between us, strong.

But I do not want to abuse the situation. Enjoy your weakness, your forgetfulness.

For the moment I hold the role of the savior, but the day when you will recover the memory, where you will remember all my rejections, my final sentences, will you still want me?

You have changed so much ... this gentleness, this attention to me. All these questions to know our history, my story, whereas before you did not want to know anything ... It troubles me.

It still increases my feelings, this facet of you that I did not know ... is it really you, by the way?

You're not the Harry Potter I hated, the unbearable hero of certainties. Arrogant. My best enemy.

You are fragile, broken.

It would be so easy for me to give myself the beautiful role, to pass over our mistakes, our failures. My mistakes.

So easy to enjoy your body when I am treating you.

I remember the first time I saw you at home after your accident. As you watched me, your fear. Your fainting.

You did not recognize me, and it hurt me a lot.

I only had to play the role of the father of your son's friend. Convenient. Cruel.

You were so different ...

Sometimes, to punish us, the gods grant our wishes: I asked you to forget Hogwarts, and you did it.

I told you that we did not know each other, and you did not recognize me.

But you're alive, thank God.

I offered you my help, but that did not interest you.

But I was determined to help you, no matter what.