Reflections - Tay Jardine & Jenna McDougall (Wattys2015)

7 - Lips Of An Angel

Jenna POV

I run after her. She has a twenty second head-start on me, but I'm determined as hell.

I want her so much. Not in a dirty way; I just want her. Just her presence around me.

I can faintly see her dark-to-light hair several yards ahead of me. I get caught behind a crowd, allowing her to get away with her escape.

I mumble "Shit" under my breath. I make my way around the people, and run to her bus. The door is closed. I take a few deep breaths before I knock on the door.

Be cool, Jenn. Don't screw this up. You like her, she likes you. You can do this.

I tap the door three times before Mike answers.

I ask, "Is Tay here."

"No. She left, like, ten minutes ago. She didn't tell anyone where she was going. You can hang out here and wait for her, if you'd like."

I consider it. "Nah, I'll see her later."

"Do you want me to tell her you stopped by?"

"No, it's alright. Thanks, though." I wander off. Where did she go? I find my way over to the Never Take It Off tent, but they haven't seen her. I try her merch tent, the All Time Low one, and a few others. Nobody has seen her.

I try calling her. It rings out, then goes to voice mail. I'm officially worried.

As if he read my mind, Austin texts me: she's ok. she's here. she wants you to come over.

A few deep breaths later, I start on my way to Austin's bus. I knock on the door, and Tay answers.

I could ask her so many things. I want to ask her so many things, but the only thing I can force out is, "Why did you run?"

"I didn't want to give you time to change your mind."

"Change my mind about what?"

"I don't know." She sits down on the front lounge couch. "I thought that if I was here after we kissed, then you would realize that you don't like me as much as you thought you did."

"Tay, it's gonna take a lot more than that to change how I feel about you."

She gives me a small smile.

"Where do we go from here?" I ask.

"I don't know. I mean, this is all happening so fast. I think we should both just think this through. Tomorrow we can come back to this idea and decide where to go from there."

I slowly nod. "Alright."

But I didn't want to wait until tomorrow. I wanted to be with her right now. This moment. I want so badly to close the space between us; to hug her, kiss her. Anything.

"Jenna, I'm so sorry." She pinches her eyes shut.

I pull her into a hug, my arms around wrapped tightly around her, my head on her shoulder. She wraps her arms around my waist. "Don't apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. You're right. We both need time to think about this."

"Thank you."

I take a deep breath. Mostly to calm myself, but also to breathe in her scent: strawberries.

"Are we still," She has to take a few breaths before finishing. "Are we still doing our duet? It's totally okay if you don't want to."

I pull back from our hug and look into her eyes. "If you want to do it, then we'll do it."

She nods, and for what seems to be the first time today, she smiles.

<><><><>

"Albuquerque have a fucking awesome rest of your day. Come to our meet and greet at two!" I yell before I exit the stage.

"Jenn," Matt says to me. "Is Tay alright? She seemed kind of. . . off."

"She told me she likes me. Then we kissed. And things just keep getting more awkward." Matt gives me a hug. "I don't know what's worse; being on tour with my ex-almost-fiance, or the fact that Tay might not want to be with me."

"Everything will be fine."

"You can't know that for sure, Matt. Everything could turn into absolute shit."

"Be positive, Jenna. Everything will be fine." He rubs my shoulder before going off with the guys.

I repeat to myself, "Everything will be fine."

<><><><>

I'm brushing my teeth when I get a text from Tay.

Can you please come over? I wanna talk.

I finish brushing my teeth, slip on a Glamour Kills sweatshirt, and carefully lace up a pair of Vans. I do everything slowly, so I can think of every possible reason she wants to talk at six in the morning.

I rip a piece of paper out of a note book and scribble went out. be back later. have my cell, text if you need anything. -J.

I quietly make it off my bus and stand outside We Are The In Crowd's bus for a good two minutes before I knock. Tay answers the door with a smile. Without speaking she lets me enter the bus. I follow her to the back lounge, where Tay shuts the door. She sits on the couch, then gestures for me to sit down next to her. I do.

"Jenna, I've been doing a lot of thinking."

Here it comes. I've spent several hours preparing myself for this. This is where she tells me that she wants to stay friends.

"I think we should wait to put a label on us. I think we should hang out and get to know each other before we start dating. Just to see if we like each other enough to want to be together."

I relax. She wants to get to know me. She might want to date me.

"Yes," I say. "That's perfect."

She smiles. Her teeth are bright white. The ring in her nose shines in a light that beams directly on her face. "I think we should set up some. . . Rules?" It's more of a question.

"Okay, like what?"

"Like, no kissing until we're officially dating."

I nod. "Alright."

She springs up and says, "I'll be right back!"

She returns with a piece of paper and a pen. "We might as well write it down." She sits back down and writes 'no kissing'. "Any other ideas?"

"No posting on social media. Like we can post that we're hanging out and stuff, but nothing too extreme."

She nods and writes it down. After twenty minutes we have ten rules.

"Here," She says and hands me the paper. "Sign it."

I write my name next to her cute scribble. I say, "There. We're officially on our way to being something more."

We both stand up. "Can I do something?" I ask.

"Um, sure?"

I cup her face in my hands and press a light kiss to her lips. "Just in case I never get to do that again."

"It's okay."

I quietly open the door and leave, Tay watching me from the window.

I don't know whether to be happy or upset. I want to be happy because she wants to give us a chance, but I want to be upset because there might not be an "us" to try out.

All I do know is that I like this girl. And I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy.

Even if it means not having an "us".

2k omfg.

I love you all.

XoXo

~XhannahX