Reflections - Tay Jardine & Jenna McDougall (Wattys2015)

25 - Dare4distance

Jenna POV

The last three days of tour have not been easy. Everybody has been asking why Tay and I broke up; fans, workers, and even other band members. They all say the same thing: "you two were perfect, what happened?" But I didn't feel perfect in that relationship.

People also keep asking why I haven't made a statement on why we broke up. After Vic, I got so much negative response, and people liked Tay and I together so much better. I don't want people to know that I'm already moving on. Yes, our breakup was hard, but it's a lot harder on her than me. I'm just happy that I'm going home tomorrow.

I'm eating cereal on my bus, scrolling through Twitter, when one tweet in particular catches my eye.

@xhxanonymous: still can't believe @jenalive11 hasn't said anything about the breakup

The truth is: I don't know what to say. I can't say that I'm happy, for Tay's sake. I can't say I'm unhappy, for my own sake. I know that Tay wants me to take responsibility for what happened, but I don't know how to take responsibility for something I couldn't really control.

For now I can't handle all the stress of everybody, so I tweet out:

At this time I'd like my privacy on the breakup. Thank you

I don't know what else to say about it, so I put my phone down, and finish eating my cereal.

<><><><>

I finish packing my suitcase before I say good-bye to the workers I've become close to. Nobody asks about Tay, and I don't bring her up. I haven't seen her since the last day of shows, and haven't talked to her since the breakup.

"Jenn," Jake says. "You ready to go?"

I gather my things together and nod. Jake helps me put everything in a van, then we get in, and drive to the airport. We go through all the standard security processes, and finally got situated in the waiting area. I become restless very easily in the chair, so I get up and walk around for a little bit. I spot a convenience stand on the other side of the room. We have time before our flight starts boarding.

The lady working the cash register gives me a smile as I browse the shelves. I grab a bottle of water and bag of dried fruit. I place my items on the small counter and pull a wad of singles out of the pocket of my sweatpants.

"Everything will be okay in the end." She says to me.

It catches me off guard. "Excuse me?"

"You seem very stressed out. Just know that it'll be okay in the end. And this will be six fifty."

I give her ten and say, "keep the change."

I take my items and go back to where the guys are sitting. I put my elbows on my knees and put my head in my hands.

"Jenn," Matt says. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just ready to go home."

"I think we all are."

I am really excited to go back home. I'm also really excited to move on from Tay.

Going home will be a good thing.

Hello my loves.

Quick thing:

I will be attending Vans Warped Tour 2015 in Holmdel, New Jersey, at the PNC Bank Arts Center on July 19th. I'd love to meet some of you guys, so if you're there, feel free to come talk to me.If you have any questions, feel free to DM me.

Also, that is my actual Twitter handle.

XoXo

~XhannahX