Reflections - Tay Jardine & Jenna McDougall (Wattys2015)

27 - Ohio Is For Lovers

Jenna POV

Being home has never felt so good. I love waking up every morning to the sound of the nearby ocean. I l love the constant breezes that flow by.I love how warm the sand is underneath my bare feet. I love how free I feel.

I haven't felt this way in the longest time.

Sometimes I think about Tay and everything we had, but it's best not to dwell on the past. I'm halfway across the world, in the place where I feel in love with everything, and everything loves me back. That's all I need in life.

Yes, sometimes when I think about her, I miss her. That's normal after a breakup. Isn't it?

It is.

I wonder if she misses me too. Probably not. I did break her heart. And didn't tell her that I was almost engaged to one of her friends. And I did kiss Derek DiScanio. I don't even deny that anymore. It happened, but I still feel terrible about it.

I'm surprised Tay and I even worked as a couple. After the event with Derek happened, I thought any chance I had with her was gone. We fought, but we kissed and made up. We argued when I told her she had to come out to her band. Then she did and asked me out. She got upset when she found out about my relationship with Vic. Then she apologized for freaking out.

She told me she loved me. And I killed her by not being able to feel the same way.

I think back to what Justin Hills told me the day of that stupid party: "It's better to tell her and lose her now, than to lie and lose her when she's more than a friend." 

Maybe he was right. Maybe if I told her about Vic, she would've felt differently and we never would've become something. Maybe I should've lost her after Derek.

But he wasn't right. Because I don't regret the time I spent with Tay. I'm happy that I was with her. I liked how soft her lips were when we kissed. I liked how the hoop in her nose was always cool against my skin. I liked how her voice sounded with mine.

I liked all those things; I didn't love them.

Just like how I couldn't love her.

I wanted to love her. At the beginning, everything felt right. I thought I would fall in love with her. I don't know how or when it fell apart. We were great. Up until I knew that I wasn't in love.

My thoughts are cut short by my phone ringing. The screen reads Alex Gaskarth. I accept the call and say, "hello?"

"Hey, Jenna! I hope it isn't too late over on the other side of the planet?"

I check the time on my phone. "It's noon here on my side. What time is it there?"

There's a pause on the line. "Ten at night."

On Alex's side of the call I hear, "Hi Jenna! I miss you!" Followed by, "Jack, shut up."

"Everything okay over there?" I ask.

"Everything's good, everything's fine."

"Okay, Christofer Drew."

He laughs. "So the reason I called is because All Time Low is going on tour in America in a few weeks, and we were wondering if Tonight Alive would come with us. It doesn't have to be all tour, it can be as long as you guys want. We already have Handguns on board."

"I'm cool with that. Let me talk to my guys and I'll get back to you."

"Okay, thank you Jenna."

"Goodbye, Alex." I end the call.

I send a text to the band group chat: ATL is going on tour in the US and want us to go with them. You in?

My phone chirps with their responses.

Jake: I'm in

Cam: Hell yeah

Whakaio: Sounds good

Matt: Sure

I send out: I'll let Alex know we're in and get all the details.

I text Alex back:

USA here we come.

Hey Pixies.

I'm tired.

XoXo

~XhannahX