Weakness | Loki [Book One]

Chapter Six

I knew it wasn't a dream. I always know when it is a dream. I can control my dreams, usually. But this was one that I couldn't manipulate. 

It was a nightmare. 

In the past, my nightmares have always involved dying. Through a gun to my head, a Hydra injection, being caught on a mission, it was always the same drill. I was about to be killed, I couldn't stop it, and I woke up as I died in the nightmare. It was the exact same thing every time. 

This time, it was different. I wasn't dying. It was another, different person. They didn't speak or make so much as a sound. Not even as the sword, a weapon I didn't see very often, drove through their heart. The shadow that had been hiding their face was gone. The look of being betrayed was clear in what light was left in their eyes. Before I woke up, I saw the person's face.

Loki.

I jolted awake, still in the movie room. 

"Are you alright?" Loki asked, looking up from his book. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. He didn't look convinced, but he continued to read his book. The Avengers were still watching the movie, which I had no interest in, so I drifted in and out of sleep, the nightmare still haunting me. 

"Delta," I heard Loki say. His voice sounded distant. "Wake up."

"Why?" I said sleepily. 

"Because the movie is over."

"But I haven't slept in weeks."

Loki sighed. "Mortals." He picked me up and carried me out of the movie room and to my room. 

"Sleep well, love," he said softly as he closed the door after setting me down on my bed. Did he just call me love?

I woke up before everyone else; the sun wasn't even up yet. I snuck out of my room, making sure no one was in the hall. I found my way up to the roof, where I sat down with my legs hanging off the edge. I knew there was a risk that I would fall off, but I also knew I wouldn't. Besides, the sunrise would be really awesome from this view.

"Are you going to jump?" I heard a voice say from behind me.

"No, Loki."

He sat down next to me, leaning back on his arms. 

"I almost did. Once." I had never told anyone, but I felt I could trust Loki, even though he was the god of lies. "I was sick and tired of Hydra experimenting on me. I'd waited long enough for a hero, so I was going to take matters into my own hands. I got as far as the edge of the building, but I was too much of a coward to end my own life. So, instead, I ran away from H.Y.D.R.A. They don't let anyone who defects live, so I was going to make them kill me. But they didn't kill me; they locked me away, away from interaction, away from sunlight, away from living."

I sat back on my hands, mirroring Loki. Not going to cry, not going to cry, I tried to convince myself. It was kind of a sore topic, and I didn't like to remember what Hydra had done. The tests, the blood, the pain, the lack of anesthesia, everything haunted my memories.

Despite my best efforts, a small sob escaped. Loki sighed and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, leaning my head on his shoulder. I rarely cry, and especially not in front of people, but the tears rolled down my cheeks unchecked.

"I'm sorry," he said. 

"It's not your fault."

"I know, but I can still be sorry that you had to go through all that."

We sat in silence as the sun rose slowly above the horizon, shedding its light on the city that never sleeps. As the sun rose higher and higher into the sky, the people of New York began to travel to work; the sounds of commotion became increasingly louder. 

"Do you have any plans?" Loki quietly asked, breaking the silence. 

"Not really, no," I said. 

"Would you like to go to Asgard? Thor needs to return for a few days, and I with him."

"I doubt I'd be welcomed."

"Nonsense," Loki stood up and grabbed my hand to help me up. "I know you've wanted to visit, and Odin welcomes visitors. And if you do not wish to participate in anything, there is a library full of books you haven't read."

"How long would we be staying?"

"Fourteen days."

Two weeks in the place I've only dreamed of going to? Totally. "Sure, I'll go."

Loki smiled. "We leave in a quarter of an hour."

Most people would argue that fifteen minutes wasn't enough time, but I had nothing but the clothes on my back and a bit of cash, which wouldn't be used in Asgard. Still, I went to my room to lock up and retie my boots. I met up with Loki and Thor in the hallway. 

"Midgardian clothes?" Loki asked. "Really?"

"What else do you expect me to wear?"

Loki shook his head and snapped his fingers, surrounding me with an illusion of what I assumed was Asgardian-style clothing. We walked to the platform, where Thor put his hand on Loki's shoulder and Loki wrapped his arm around my waist. Thor raised his hammer to the sky, saying something about opening the Bifrost.

In an instant, I was surrounded by billions of different colors all swarming around me. I'd read stories about traveling via the Asgardian mode of transportation, but even the many languages the books were written in did not do it enough justice. It felt like what I imagined a rollercoaster would feel like since I'd only read about the machines in books, but in a good way. The thrill of moving at what I assumed was faster than the speed of light was something I had never thought I'd experience.

Loki was the only thing that kept me from flying out of the tunnel until we appeared in a bright, golden room. The most noticeable thing in the room was a golden-eyed man, who could only be Heimdall. 

"Welcome back to Asgard," he said.