The Trials of a Misunderstood Teenager | ✅

Chapter 10 - Caleb's graduation

"Do you love me?" he asks after a long while. I am a little surprised he asks that. But on the other hand, I guess it was due to happen. Several weeks ago, he told me he loved me, and all I did was say thank you, like a moron. I explained to him that while I do care for him, I wasn't ready to say the "L" word yet. Back then it was enough, but clearly not anymore.

"Of course," I say somewhat honestly. I do love him. He is one of my closest friends, and the sex is good too. No point denying that. He frowns. Doesn't he believe me?

"How?" he asks.

"How what?"

"How do you love me? What kind of love?" he inquires. He is after something.

"I don't understand," I say, playing dumb. He gives me a disapproving look, and I look away. I stare at the pond in front of us for a while. It seems, our roles have reversed, and now I'm the one in need to gather my thoughts. "I love you, Phil. You are one of my best friends. But I'm not in love with you." I keep staring at the pond. I didn't want to hurt him, but I also don't want to lie to him.

We both remain silent after that, both trying to figure out what to do next. I don't want to break up with him, but if he has stronger feelings for me, than I have for him, then I think it'll be better to terminate our relationship. I don't want to lead him on any more than I probably have.

"Thank you," comes his voice. It's weak, almost shaking. I look at him, and feel tears gather in my eyes. "I love you, Tris, I really do. And I believe you love me too. But I know you love someone else more." I remain silent. What is he talking about? Does he think I cheated or something? I must have looked confused, because he smiles a little. He leans in and gently kisses my lips. When he pulls back, he looks deep into my eyes. "Thank you for allowing me to be with you. You were the best girlfriend I ever had. And maybe one day we can hang out like good old friends," he says, and I see tears in his own eyes now. "Goodbye." Phil stands up, and walks away. I lean back against the bench, and let silent tears fall.

I have no idea how long I've been sitting here, but when it starts to rain, I decide to head back home. The weather outside reflects my exact mood. I am not in love with Phil, but I love him. And I know that this is the right thing for him. He loves me more, and I can't let him waste his time with someone who can't return his feelings. He deserves someone who loves him with the same passion he loves back. And it's clear, that someone is not me.

I ponder if I should just walk, but it's pouring by now, and while I'm upset, I don't want to get pneumonia. I get a cab, and arrive home about twenty minutes later. The cab driver was even so nice to turn on the heat so that I could be at least warm. I smile at him for his kindness, and when we arrive I leave him a generous tip.

I hurry inside, take off my shoes, and run up the stairs. Thankfully, no one is using the bathroom, so I enter, close and lock the door behind me, and fill the tub with hot water. I need to soak, and I need to think of what happened.

I undress and when the tub is half full I get inside, lie down, and close my eyes. The warmth soon lures me into a sleep-like state, and I have to fight to not actually fall asleep. I open my eyes when someone is at the door.

"I'm taking a bath," I shout.

"I need to come in," I hear Shauna's voice.

"You can't," I shout again.

"Tris, open the door. I have a date with Zeke, and I'm late," Shauna shouts again, and starts banging on the door.

"There are other bathrooms in this house," I yell.

"Open the door!" she yells, and bangs harder. I decide to ignore her, but the banging doesn't stop. I can hear both my parents' voices outside, trying to understand what is going on. "She won't let me in!" Shauna whines.

"Tris, please let your sister in," Dad asks me.

"I'm in the tub. I'm taking a bath!" I yell.

"She's always doing this! Open the fucking door!" I had about enough. I get out of the tub, forgo putting on a towel or my bathrobe, unlock the door, swing it open, and stand stark naked in front of my parents and my sister. They all seem shocked. I grab my sister's hand, pull her inside the bathroom, and push her to the ground.

I turn back around, walk out of the bathroom, pass my parents, cross the hall, and walk into my room. Stupid bitch!

I close my door, and go to put my pajamas on, when a knock is heard on my door. I tell the person to enter, figuring it's Mom, and return to slipping into my PJ pants. Mom puts a large towel over my shoulders, obviously having figured out that I wouldn't have one in here, and helps me dry off. By the time I'm dressed, Mom starts drying my hair, but I know she is dying to tell me something. The moment she puts the towel down, she steps in front of me. I'm still looking down, not wanting to let her know something else is bothering me.

"I'm really glad you didn't start a huge fight, baby." I look up at her, willing myself to be strong, but the moment our eyes lock, I feel tears spill out of mine. Confused, Mom looks at me worried, but instead of pestering me with questions she just pulls me into her arms, and lets me cry.

It takes me some time to calm down, but eventually the tears subside, and I manage to tell her that Phil broke up with me. She already knew that he told me he loved me, and that I wasn't ready. Back then she told me I probably still had feelings for Tobias, since he was my first love, but to give Phil a real chance. I tried, I really did, but I couldn't just tell him I loved him, not when it wasn't what he wanted, what he expected, what he deserved.

"I really love him, Mom," I tell her. We are sitting on my bed, our backs against the wall, our legs stretched out, and hanging down. She holds me close to her, her arm around my shoulders, my head against her warm body.

"I know, baby. But if you are in two different places in the relationship, and you know you don't love him the same way he loves you, then it's better to break it off. He deserves someone who loves him, and just him. And you deserve to be happy."

I allow Mom to rock me to sleep, glad that she is always there for me when I need her the most.