thank you, next

day one

          I'VE COME TO realize that keeping emotions to yourself isn't healthy, so i decided to write them all down.

          my whole life i tried to stay away from 'love' i means it's an overrated word with stupid feelings and heartbreak. i've only been in love three times, whereas most people have loved plenty of people. but at least the three guys i loved taught me something, they shaped me into the person i am today.

          i don't necessarily know if who i am today is a good thing, being afraid to love again? being afraid to get too close to someone because getting left hurts more than anything? i would assume that's not everyone's ideal life, but it's mine and there's nothing i can really do to change that.

          but maybe since i'm finally writing all my feelings down i can be happy, and maybe i can finally live a full life.

          farkle minkus is the first guy i've ever loved, and perhaps i'll always hold love in my heart for this kid. he's the one who taught me what love is. isaiah babineaux is the second, i guess i'll always love him too. he's the one who taught me patience. and lastly, lucas friar. his story is so different than the others because i was in so deep for so long with him and of course guess what he taught me. . . pain. i'll never even think about not loving him, even though i should.

          i'm not writing anymore today, maybe it's because my life is too tragic to write about and thinking about them gives me too many memories or maybe it's just because my hand hurts, either way i'm done for the day.