Brothers in Arms

Shadow: The Dumb, the Dumber, and the Angry Bat

"It doesn't? I didn't mean to sound crass..." He sighs, still edging away from me but trying to be inconspicuous about it. "I guess it's because I've been trying to harden myself. I figured that, if I accepted that death is a definite possibility, it wouldn't strike me so much when it inevitably happens."

"You fear death?" The question is hesitant, as I've never gotten that vibe from him before.

"Not mine, Shadow," he says, exasperated. "I..." He turns away, looking pointedly in another direction. "I'm afraid that everyone around me will die again. I've been trying to prepare myself, so it won't hurt as much this time."

I feel my breath catch in my throat, and I look down, unable to help the guilt.

"I'm sorry." The words leave my mouth involuntarily, and I wish immediately that I could take them back. It stings, apologizing for something I swore I would never regret. But, there's nothing I can do about it now, and I have no idea how Eclipse will--

"Don't apologize."

"What?" I ask, stunned.

"Have confidence in the decisions you made. There's nothing you can do about the past, now. And," he adds, glancing at me over his shoulder, "when you claim it was the right thing, when you stand and say so assuredly that you did exactly what needed to be done..." He shuts the eye that I can see tightly, to prevent the suddenly forming tears from escaping. "Then, for just a moment, I can pretend I never felt my family torn away from me. I can pretend that we were just the monsters everyone thought we were. I can pretend that I wasn't broken." He takes a deep breath that lasts for a ten count, and, when I see his face as he turns towards me again, I can hardly believe my eyes.

"You don't have to look so surprised," he says, smiling, eyes bright but still a little watery. "I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. I can't go back, either, you know. I'm focusing on the now, not yesterday." He grins, face spreading even wider. "I find a smile helps. You should try it sometime."

I stare dumbfoundedly as he strides away, looking for all the world like he's just heard a funny joke and wants to share it. I would never, could never guess that he was so recently upset, if I didn't now know how his eyes can glisten with barely-restrained tears.

It almost scares me, seeing such a stark difference between his outer appearance and his emotions, but I realize that it may not be all fake. After all, he said he was focused on the present; is it really possible to change moods that quickly? I've never been able to.

Quietly, I head back over to where I was, listening as Eclipse sheepishly apologizes for his bluntness to a few of Spider Troupe's members, ending with a charismatic, self-deprecating laugh. I don't know how much of it is truly genuine, but I know that it's real, at the very least. He's determined to move on with his life, no matter how much he needs to change.

I feel a small smile tug at my lips as the soldiers start laughing with him, baffled yet pleased that he can elicit such a response. I don't miss the quick, pained glance downward he makes, but I decide not to mention it. If he's found where he wants to be, then I trust he won't suppress himself to get there. That carefree smile is mark of his strength, his conviction to make a better life for himself.

In fact, looking at it, I can almost forget everything that's happened between us. I can almost believe there's a fresh start right around the corner.

And I'm grateful for that.

...

"You need to apologize to Rouge, too, you know," I tell Eclipse quietly, sidling up to him as he finishes his rounds with the humans.