The Most Beautiful Moment In Life

Me, myself and I

It was the second month of my trip, and I haven't felt any better. I thought if I distanced myself away from all that was going on, I'd be able to think, to breathe, but it wasn't working. Still, it was just the second month. Maybe I need more time... Ugh... I'm getting a headache. Not a good sign. Felling of cold sweat down my spine. Fear... What if it comes back... No! Stop automatically thinking of the worst thing Taehyung! A couple that was passing by the bench I was sitting on, gave me a sharp look, casually walking by. Great, talking to myself again, out loud. I don't care. I can afford to think that way while in a foreign country where no one knows me. I sink deeper into the hardwood of the bench. A cold breeze snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up. The Sun is setting. Just now I notice the beautiful scenery before my eyes. The setting Sun was leaving splashes of yellow, orange and hint of red on the sky and the slightly wavy surface of the sea. Now I felt bad leaving the hotel room so swiftly, making myself forget my camera. I rarely leave it behind. The marine was almost deserted, with just a couple of people walking along the seaside. The tied-up small, private, boats were lightly swaying along the waves, making a barely hearable subtle sound... It was soothing. I close my eyes, the smell of the sea filling my nostrils. I stretch my legs, realizing I've spent most of the day walking. The pleasant feeling spreads down my tired limbs. A sigh of pleasure escaped my lips. This was a good idea. I was never that kind of a person that runs away from problems, but, to be honest, in my case, it's not a problem, it's something that's going to happen, and I can do nothing to stop it, so why not spend my time doing something I love. I loved my job, I've been always into capturing the moment. The right pose, the perfect lighting, or the merge of light into darkness... Oh, the thrill I've always felt when I found myself observing the never-ending stories, being played right before my eyes. Being a professional photographer has its ups and downs, like anything in life I guess, and I was very lucky I was more than good at it, and successful too. One of the best decisions in my life was to keep my identity secret as a photographer. The whole world knew my name and my work, but only a few could connect my face with the name.

I opened my eyes. Sun has completely set. It's getting dark. I better get going, it's not safe for me to wander around, alone, through the city I don't know. I slightly stretch as I get off the bench. Even though I've enjoyed my time spent in the city, I have to admit, I've felt tired. Luckily my hotel was just a couple of minutes away, so I was taking my time. I drop by the local grocery store to pick up some cigarettes and drinks and head up to my room. As I turn the key, locking the door behind me, I felt a slight relief. I open the cold can of iced coffee while lighting a cigarette. I breathe in the smoke... Weird feeling, but soothing in a way. I was never a smoker, but after I've tried it, just out of curiosity, I kind of liked it. I scan the room. Wasn't the best hotel I've ever been in, but it had that rustic, vintage charm I've always loved, the main reason I mostly chose these kinds of hotels over the five-star ones. These kinds of places always have a story to tell, and I'm always willing to whites it.
The blinking of my phone draws my attention. I look away. Not really in the mood to deal with anyone now. The whole day I haven't checked my phone or my emails, I sure am not gonna do it now. I make my way to the small balcony. The light breeze was warm and pleasing. I sit on a wooden chair while putting my drink on a table.
Oh, Taehyung, you've made a good decision by coming here. I feel a slight smile forming on my face... Too bad I have to go so soon. Just two more days and I'm off to the next destination... Maybe my final destination... That thought wiped the smile off my face...

***

A sharp beam of light hit my face. Oh damn. I forgot to close the curtains last night. I check my watch. It's just a little after 6 am. Oh hell no! I was so hoping I'll sleep in today, but after I open my eyes, I can't fall asleep again, no matter how tired or willing I am. It was never a problem before, but in the last couple of years, it became normal and quite irritating. Oh well, since I'm up, I could do some work. I sit up. Stretching my arms and yawning at the same time. My whole body hurt, lately it's become a regular thing, especially in the mornings, but shower always helps, so I make my way to the bathroom, taking my clothes off on the way. Yeah, I've slept in my clothes, that's also one of the things I never did before, but now it's a regular thing. I was right. The second warm water hit my body I felt better. I took my time, enjoying the warm water caressing my skin. After, I was ready to go out in less than 15 minutes. I've realized, I've changed a lot last year. Before it took me quite some time to get ready, and almost always I was late, where ever I was supposed to go or be...
While passing by a full-sized, 19th century, mirror, I pause. I take a close look at my reflection.
Normally very pale skin and deep dark circles under eyes were camouflaged by almost bronze shade skin, thanks to hours and hours spent on harsh Sun. Still wet, little curly blonde, messy hair, half-covering my eyes. A couple of fine lines around eyes and pulp lips made me not to recognize myself. Slim figure. I've lost weight but camouflaged by a slightly loose shirt, button-up only halfway, uncovering my distinguished collar bones, paired with loose, wide cotton pants I love to wear, cause of the feeling of freedom I feel while walking.
I'm happy my grandma isn't around to see me, she sure would stuff me with her best homemade food, just to make me more presentable, and healthier. Oh, I miss her so much. I shake my head, trying to neglect the painful memories flooding my mind. I swiftly take my bag, camera, sunglasses, and get out, locking the door behind me.
As soon as I got out I feel better. Still, cool air was helping me clear my head.
I've decided to have breakfast at a pub I've noticed during my walk yesterday. It's just 20 minutes away, so I'll take it slow. I've enjoyed every bite of the perfect meal I was offered.
Was satisfied I was the only person there, since it was still very early, and no one but the owner and the waiter was around. Now enjoying a big cup of coffee and a cigarette, thinking to myself that I should probably check my phone and emails after I get back. It was about time.

***

Oh, this has been a productive day - I've told myself, out loud, again, while checking all the photographs I've made today. Numerous captivations of breathe taking sceneries, people, everyday objects, generally, every single thing that caught my attention and awe...
I pause on one photo, trying to remember when and where I took it. It was a photograph of a young man on a boat. Actually, a silhouette of a man, cause the Sun was behind him, but still, the strong, muscular body was obvious. I caught myself staring at that photo for don't know how long. Haven't even realized the Sun started to set. I was sitting on a pier, barefoot, enjoying the feeling of waves splashing my feet. Move your lazy ass Taehyung, time to go - I say to myself while packing my stuff. As I bend down to take my shoes, I feel sharp, sudden pain in my chest, followed by nausea, and weakness in my limbs. My vision starts to blur... Oh, no! Not here, not now! - I scream out loud. I haven't had an episode in months. Fear consumed my whole being. I felt cold sweat down my spine. I fall on my knees. I try to find something to grab on, to try to hold myself up... Nothing... My camera roll over a couple of inches away, shoes got lost in the water. I try to crawl, to move away from the edge of the pier. I can't. I don't have any strength. I'm on my all fours, barely keeping myself in that pose. I try to look up. I see something, someone. An approaching silhouette of a man. I'm starting to lose sight, losing consciousness, I hit hard on the side. The last thing I remember is the sudden splash of cold water, sinking into the darkness, into the abyss. I remember thinking to myself, is this it, is this finally it?