The Love Affair

Chapter Eighteen

"Rose, I-I just...thought---I'm sorry. I should have spoken to you about it first. I just didn't think it would hurt you like this? I thought you would be happy," Nick replied in despair, rubbing his forehead with his right hand whilst the other rested on his hip.

"Nick." I swallowed back the tears, feeling guilt replace the anger I felt. "Of course, I'm happy to hear you want kids but...I just wanted to talk about it properly. We've never discussed this. How am I supposed to know that you really mean this?"

"But I do want this," Nick reassured me, stepping forward and taking my hands in his. "I do, Rose. I really do. I gave it real good thought. I haven't stopped thinking about it." He sounded earnest. Nick licked his bottom lip briefly before he sighed gently. "Do you know that park in the city? You know the one where we went for a picnic that one time" I nodded, sniffling. "And we sat there, and you were looking at those children playing on the slides. And you went to me. Promise me that anytime you come to this park, you'll think about our children possibly playing on those slides, swings and running around. And what did I say?"

"You'd promised me always," I muttered, sniffling as I felt Nick's hands squeeze mine.

"Yes, so, I promise you now, Rose Stanton. That I'm all in. I want to be the father of your children. I want us to have our own family. A safe place. A home. I want it all. I love you, Rose. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this before but I'm ready. I'm ready to do this. Are you?" he said, every word clinging onto my heart.

I held my breath, feeling strangely lost. At that moment, I know the old me would have swung her arms around him and melted with joy, but the new inhabitant was desperately trying to pull me from the past. I didn't want a child with Nick. I wanted a child with Shane. I wanted a future with Shane.

"I—of course," I lied, another shovel of lies digging deeper between our marriage.

Later that night, I lay rigidly against Nick who slept soundfully and unaware. I felt my body burn with lies as I blinked at the depths of the darkness around me. I was becoming a monster. I was becoming the darkness. Another lie I could tally. I wasn't going to stop my course on the pill.

***

There was something reassuring when I write. After, that eventful evening and night, the following morning I had consumed the majority of my hours typing away and feeding the darkness I'd created. I was thinking about him now. I'd already accidentally slipped up on typing his name several times or so. And poor Elle. My protagonist trapped in the same world as my own, struggling to fight against her demons that draw her to the hot neighbour next door.

Elle was feeling like a fish trapped in a shark tank. Andre however, was blissfully unaware that she was thinking about last night. As he turned each side of the newspaper that he held in his hands, Elle couldn't help the vivid images of his tongue against the flesh of her skin. The hottie next door. The man she couldn't stop thinking about day and night. The man who had stolen her heart.

I sat back in my chair, pausing as I allowed reality to ensnare me. What now? What could I do? Pete, my agent would be expecting an update some day this week and is this what I am going to give him? My dirty secret hidden beneath the surface of a fictional affair? And what about Shane? We hadn't spoken since Friday morning. He hadn't called, I hadn't texted, and I believed we were under that agreement where I was held accountable to whether this affair would continue. After-all, I had to make the choice to whether I would leave Nick for Shane or finish what had started between us. But I knew deep down, I didn't want to lose them both. I loved Nick, he was my only and first love, the man I thought I could never stop loving, but to lose him for Shane, would break my heart. But then Shane? I was falling hard for him. Any second spent with him, I felt alive, I felt like I was tasting something new and wild and I wanted every bit of it to keep running through my veins. I was selfish because I wanted both of them. Not one. Both.

Naturally, I wanted the easy option. I knew deep down, I wanted to keep thing as they were. As horrible and disgusting as I was, I wanted to keep my affair with Shane hidden in the shadows whilst pretending to remain faithful to Nick. I think I was starting to believe that if I kept this up for a little longer then my choice would become clear.

I think Shane expected a clear answer as I knocked on his door later that Saturday afternoon. I was lucky that Nick was too busy answering some quick emails to accept my lousy excuse that I was visiting Shane to see if he had any spare eggs. Eggs we'd apparently run out of.

"Rose."

"Hi," I muttered, anxiously looking to my feet for a second or two before meeting those dark and mysterious eyes I'd come to adore. I could smell his strong cologne as I stepped over the threshold.

"I didn't expect---"

I cut him off with the sudden urgency of my lips demanding his. He didn't take much convincing as he met mine hungrily. Our make-out was passionate as he held me hostage against the wall teasing me with the flicker of his tongue against the side of my neck.

He knew we couldn't take our intimacy further, some what knowing Nick was at home. So, instead, he stood back allowing me to re-adjust my bra strap which he had pulled down during our hot encounter.

"So, what do I owe to this pleasure?" he said, rubbing his thumb caressingly against my cheek.

I clasped my hand over his. "I just needed to see you. I want to see you tonight, Shane. We need to talk," I explained, struggling against the temptation to allow him to take me upstairs and have me right now.

"I'm guessing it's important?" he suggested.

"Yeah, but not enough to stop you from having your  ways with me tonight," I purred, pushing aside the dish of guilt threatening to peek out of hiding.

Shane smirked, leaning in to kiss my forehead. "You're so goddamn precious," he muttered gently. "It's a date."

I smiled as we separated, and then I headed for the front door.

"Oh! Have you got any eggs?" I asked suddenly, stopping in my steps.

"What?" His brows perked up with that humorous glint in his eyes. 

THANK YOU FOR READING! SORRY FOR SLOW UPDATES BUT I'M REALLY BUSY SO WHEN I CAN, I'LL TRY TO GET UPDATES IN! IF YOU ENJOYED PLEASE VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE! ALSO, YEAH, I FEEL SO BAD FOR NICK! WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK?