The Love Affair

Chapter Thirty One

It had been four days. Four, long agonizing days. I hadn't expected Nick to be gone for so long. I had tried phoning him countless times again. Even telephoned his parents pretending that everything was alright but hinting at the possibility that he could there. They hadn't seen him. I had laughed it off when they asked if everything was alright, lying to their faces blatantly. Today was Tuesday. Through those four days, I had time to think. Not that really mattered. I knew that wouldn't make a difference to my agenda of hiding the truth.

Liza, my marriage counselor sat opposite me sipping her coffee gently as she shuffled her notes about at the same time. I was anxious playing with the loose thread sticking up on my black jeans. I was glad however at least I could speak to someone about it all today. But I knew if it wasn't for client confidentiality, my counselor probably would have been bitching about me to Angie, telling her what her friend is truly like. I wouldn't blame her.

"So, how are you doing, Rose? What's happened since we last spoke?" she began, placing her mug onto the desk adjacent to her. She sat very poised as she draped her leg over the other.

"Truthfully. Things haven't been so great," I admitted, stopping my hands from fidgeting as I clasped them together on my lap. "I haven't seen my husband for four days since he left in anger last week. I had...told him how I was still on the pill. And...told him how I'd been seeing a marriage counselor. Which was enough to piss him off. I don't blame him for storming off. I...just didn't tell him about my affair which I know would have been the final straw for us."

Liza nodded, listening attentively. "I see. Well, although the circumstances aren't great. I'm glad you were able to be honest with him in some areas. That's a step forward. But...how did or how does it now make you feel? Do you feel relieved? Angry? Upset? Can you find yourself admitting the rest to your husband?" She asked.

I bit my inner cheek as I looked down to my hands briefly. "I'm still not confident on that. I don't know if I had mentioned this earlier but I'm an author. I write," I began, hugging my arms as I shuffled my bottom a bit in the comfy chair. "Since the...affair, I started writing a new story...pretty much based off my affair. If anything the exact replica despite a few changes. And...somehow, I've been able to admit the truth through my character more easily than in reality. I know that has a reflection of my cowardice. And the thing is I want to follow my character's new footsteps. I want to be honest. I—I, just don't want to ruin Nick. I still love him dearly just not in the same way. So, I don't know if I'll ever and the thing is, I've spitefully wished that he'll just send the divorce papers in the post so that way I won't ever have to tell him," I confessed, feeling complete misery and hate of myself.

"Hm, I see. Rose, one way or another you're going to have to tell your husband the truth. It's costing not only his happiness but your own. It's hard I know when you've just been so used to something. But change has to happen and if you feel you can no longer work it out with your husband then...I'm afraid things have to end. As I said before I'm more than willingly once he is aware to have you guys come in and we'll work through it but...by the sounds of everything, Rose. I just feel you may not be able to ever feel the same. You sound like you're only glued to this marriage because you're afraid to lose someone you deeply care about. It is," she paused. "Difficult to let go of things but it has to happen if it's only pulling you down or affecting those you care about."

I nodded. Every word she said was the truth. "I know. I'm...I—I" I failed to finish off my words. Everything she said just made entire sense.

***

Later that afternoon, I was stocking the groceries into the fridge. I was placing the eggs on the top shelf when the front door bell rang begging for my attention. I stalked immediately down the corridor hoping Nick had returned but instead was met with Shane waiting patiently on the other side as I looked through the peep hole. My heart skipped a beat. My skin felt on fire like a furnace burning wildly. I quickly glanced at my attire, flattening my white t-shirt loose of its wrinkles before opening the door.

The memory of last time we spoke flickered into my head and that hopeful energy I had, dispersed, and then I frowned as I went to shut the door.

"Wait—Rose!" he beckoned, nearly slicing his hand in the process as he tried to intercept the door from closing.

"What do you want, Shane?" I grumbled, annoyed at myself for my eager excitement knowing he was there. It had been a while since we last spoke or...touched.

"Please. I just want to talk. That's all. I...hate how we've been apart. And I know you feel the same way," he replied, plea within his tone. I had missed that voice. Missed it so much.

I found myself opening the door slowly. The smell of his aftershave invaded my nostrils as I slipped aside allowing him to pass the threshold. The sight of him too was enough to set my desire going. His black jeans and loose grey shirt paired with smart shoes indicated to me that he'd been probably to work and set about coming to mine straight after. I was stripping him with my eyes shamefully.

"Talk then," I said, trying to sound defiant against my feelings towards him. I should be still mad with him. I was.

"Rose, I haven't been able to sleep, eat or function without you. I'm sorry how I handled things last time. I-I—just don't want to keep waiting around for you. Not when you're in another man's bed longing for me. And—don't lie—" he said, silencing my objection as my mouth closed slowly. His hand snaked towards mine hanging against my hip. I didn't object neither when he massaged it between his, sparking that electricity between us that I had missed.

"Shane," I said helplessly, longing to be embraced within his arms. "I've...missed—"

"---Sssshh," he interjected, slowly pulling me into his arms. I felt comfort in those large arms as I rested my head against his upper chest, feeling his own heart hammering in its ribcage. "I know. I'm so sorry, Rose."

I pulled back, tears brimming in my eyes as I sniffled. "Nick's been gone for four days."

"What happened? Did...did you tell him about us?" Shane asked, sounding optimistic.

"No. I told him about how I was still on the pill....and how I've been seeing a marriage counselor," I confessed, searching Shane's eyes after I had told him the second half my truth.

"A marriage counselor? Wait...are you trying—"

"---No, I mean yes. I mean, not exactly. My marriage counselor knows its hopeless. I know it is. I just...was angry at you, angry at myself and I thought that maybe...I could fix my marriage. I just know...that, it's impossible at this point," I reassured, tracing my fingers across his jawline softly.

Shane grasped my fingers and kissed them gently. "Baby, I'm sorry you're going through all of this."

"I'm just glad you're here now," I whispered, draping both my arms around his neck.

We both knew in that moment what we wanted. We both knew as he pressed his lips hungrily to mine, we couldn't stop. I had missed his touch. I wanted him inside of me.

An hour later, I lay tangled in my sheets, my head resting on his torso as his fingers softly teased the naked skin of my bare back. My body felt like it had been worshiped. I was in pure bliss.

"Rose," he muttered, disturbing the peace.

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something."

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