A Thousand Words

If I Had a Boyfriend (First Boyfriend)

If I Had a Boyfriend (First Boyfriend)
February 27, 2016

I met my college friends a week ago. One of them thought that I already had a boyfriend because I looked a bit fat since the last time she saw me. Just because I gain weight doesn't mean I have a boyfriend. What's with that? It's just that I'm a bum and I spend my time at home only. You know I didn't get offended when she said that because I looked sexy. So which is which now? Maybe fat isn't the appropriate term! The only words that came out of her mouth were that I was getting sexier while we were together for hours. I understood her because we only get to see each other once in a blue moon.

Most of my school friends have had boyfriends since we were studying. They already had a handful of past boyfriends but I'm still single. I'm the only one who is still 'NBSB- No Boyfriend Since Birth.' I was used to listening to their love stories which made me think about the real feeling of having a boyfriend. But when I'm with my other group of friends whom I met in the workplace, there are three of us who are NBSB. They are even older than me. Naturally, it makes me sad that I don't have a man. I'm so inexperienced but I don't need to sulk. I know I'm not the only one. Other people from different countries are like me. God knows their thoughts and feelings about this.

Just because I haven't been in a relationship with a man doesn't mean I prefer girls over them. Well, at least I know my sexual preference. Of course, I fantasize about men many times! I like long-haired men. It's a great turn-on for me. I don't care if it doesn't suit him. Yeah I know, I have a weird preference. I wish I could meet one someday.

I wonder what it feels like to have a boyfriend from time to time. I feel that whenever I see couples walking hand in hand, cuddling and being sweet to each other. Most of the time I ask myself, 'When will I experience that? When will someone ask me out? When?' I'm a lass who has great expectations in a relationship. I'm also aware that it's not always happy moments. A relationship has ups and downs, a share of painful happenings, and occasional fights. I wanted to experience all of them.

Apparently, these are the things that I want to do with my first boyfriend. My apologies if they seem so absurd to you. What can you expect from an inexperienced lass who has been living in an illusion!?

If I had a boyfriend...

**We would watch the sunrise together. For me, it's a romantic thing to do. I hate waking up early but if I have a great reason to do that, I won't mind. Yes, watching the sunset is good and so common among couples. I just want to make a difference.

**We would walk in the rain hand in hand and kiss under the rain. I love the rain. I hope he loves it as much as I do.

**We would cook for each other. It makes me think that I should learn how to cook already. But if the two of us don't know, we will learn together! 

**We would buy gifts for each other. Simple gifts will do, a sign that we are grateful to have each other. I'd love to give him books. I hope he is a bookworm too. We would read together and do reviews.

**We would go for a long walk down the beach. I love being at the seashore. The breeze of the wind, the smell of the sea, and the adorable sight of the waves are the things that I love to witness with him.

**We would write poems for each other. I would write a poem every day. If he isn't good at writing one, it's alright. It would be a great pleasure to write poems for him. I just wish he would be poetic.

**We would hug each other in times of hardship and triumph. Hugging the one you love is a good consolation.

**We would write letters regularly. I know it's an unnecessary thing to do but I just want him to read them and fall with me all over again.

**We would go to church and pray together. It would be fantastic to go there with the one you love. Show God how important He is to us.

**We would watch movies together. I wish he liked horror movies as well. Though any of kind genre is fine by me.

**We would fall asleep on the phone. Hearing his voice before sleeping is wonderful and I would have a good sleep.

**I would put love notes in his bag secretly. A simple comment for the things he did each day.

** I would sing for him. No matter how terrible my voice is. You know, it feels great when someone sings for you.

**I would tell him about my aspirations in life. I wanted him to do the same. Perhaps, we could help each other achieve them.

**I would hang out with his friends. His friends are my friends too. I wish they would like me.

**I would say sweet things in foreign languages. I wish he wouldn't think I'm a lunatic. I would let him know that I love languages.

**I would let him know how happy and lucky I am to have him in my life every day. The day would be incomplete if I couldn't tell him.

**We would learn from each other. I wouldn't make him feel bad. If we make mistakes we would forgive each other and try not to do it again.

**We would make sacrifices for each other. I would be selfless.

**I would stand up for him when someone talks trash to him. It would hurt me as well to see him having a hard time.

These are the things that I could think of for now. I hope it won't annoy him if I do them to him. It would be great if my future first boyfriend and I had the same interests and hobbies. I think that's what everyone calls a 'perfect match.' Meeting my perfect match seems impossible. I won't expect it to come true and I'm not gonna raise my hopes to meet one. Whoever comes into my life, I will accept him heartily. I don't know if these things will work because I haven't done them yet. No matter what happens, I won't make my man feel down and have regrets about having me as his girlfriend. Though it's fine by me if some of the things I mentioned above won't be done. What's important is that we are happy and contented to have each other.

I admit as of now I don't want to have a boyfriend. I'm 22 and I'm used to being single throughout my life. I like the thought of being alone. In fact, I don't need a man to make me happy. If someone happens to get blinded by love and fall for me, I will try to know him better. Who knows? Maybe I will reciprocate the love. I'm not that hard to give love and be loved! It will be rude if I refuse someone who will confess his love to me. Or maybe I will court a guy of my choice. What do you think? Just want to make a difference.

PS. I get goosebumps while writing this. I'm excited about them but kind of scared. Perhaps it's because I doubt if there's a man out there who's willing to have me. You know, sometimes it's okay if I don't have a boyfriend till death but I get so envious when I see a couple. As they say, there's no forever! Well, they are wrong! There's forever... forever alone!

Yuchae Moon