A Thousand Words

No Boyfriend Since Birth

No Boyfriend Since Birth
December 1, 2014

It isn't new to me to hear these things: "Get a boyfriend now!"; "When are you going to have your first boyfriend?"; "Your younger sister has married already, when are you going to settle down?", "How's your love life?" Questions answered with 'I dunno!' How can I possibly get married if I don't have a boyfriend? I need to get a man first, you all gonna wait, okay? If you happen to pass by a long-haired man, please get his number and give it to me! I'm a long-haired man addict!~ Who knows? I'm going to get married next year!! (BWAHAHAHA)

Halu there! Can you believe that I'm NBSB? No, not 'No Boyfriend Since Break-Up' but No Boyfriend Since Birth. Well, you have to believe that I am. I haven't ever had a suitor ever since. I'm 22. Believe it or not, I'm dreaming of having a boyfriend. Believe it or believe it, I didn't wish to have one. I've been so consistent with my wish ever since that is to live and work in South Korea. I don't picture myself being with a guy. Don't think that I am a man-hater. As far as I can remember, I don't condemn or get mad at guys (people in general) who bullied me right after I was born. As a matter of fact, I have so many crushes. Somewhat, they are my inspirations. But for now, I lack it as well. No boyfriend, no crush!

Let's just say that I don't have those good looks and I ain't a model type like most of the guys prefer to be with. Well, I don't need to please them if I choose to. (Ahahaha) I hate wearing make-up! I don't even agree to wear lipstick! I'm just a simple and ordinary ugly duckling. Don't think that I'm being too hard on myself! Let's just face the obvious truth. In our modern world, everyone seems to hook up with fashion and want to go with the trend. I mean, we all have our preferences. Most of the guys prefer girls who are beautiful, sexy and have a good sense of fashion. I'm not someone that they are proud to show to the world. How about me? I don't deserve to go to a mall with a guy. I'm scared as hell that it will be an awkward or a funny scenario. (Ahahaha) Am I that exaggerated? Am I underestimating myself? Well, just a sort of! I'm very sorry. My fashion is undefeated, I gotta tell you. I don't wear short shorts! I don't wear shorts! It's freakingly not comfortable to wear. I only wear it once in a blue moon. Honestly speaking, I don't own any shorts. Want to give me some? I promise to wear them! (Ahahaha! JK) It's not that I have bad legs, in fact, I have good ones. Oppssss, ahahaha. I love to spill this out, I AM SO HAIRY! Do you like hairy girls then? (:P)

I'm proud to say that I'm 21 but NBSB. Well, what can I do? It seems I'm destined to be alone forever. Just kidding! Don't think that I'm feeling hopeless. In fact, I'm so hopeful. Every one of us is destined to be with someone. Ever wonder why there are people who live alone? It's because they choose to live like that! As for me, perhaps I have to wait for him to come. What if he is also waiting for me out there? Are we going to wait for each other till we get oldies? Someone must take the first move. Who will do it? That's for us to find out! Yunno, I'm not desperate enough to have for now. For now!! I can still wait! I've been patient all these years. But did you know that there came a time when I was thinking of courting someone that I would like? To court in person not just through text and in the online world. But then my former Filipino-Japanese friend advised me not to do that. All I wanted to happen was to let the guy feel of being courted. But then I'm a girl, I should be the one being courted. I'm a dalagang Filipina!

Do you wanna know about my first love? It is Park Yun Hwa of TMAX (Korean band). I know it sounds so absurd but I love him for real even if I'm just a fan. Kpop has helped me a lot. Because of it, I'm not a lonely and sad single. I pine my attention to my idols, they are my happiness. I treated them as my boyfriends and for 3 years I was married to Shin Dong Woo (B1A4). Okay! Call me crazy! I can accept that heartily. But don't chu ever ask me to leave my fangirl life cause I won't do that even if I have my first boyfriend already. I've been a Kpop fan for almost 11 years and I won't let someone make me leave my life as a fan. It's my life! As much as possible, I wanted my first boyfriend a Kpop fanboy so he could accept and understand my addiction. It's so wonderful if we share the same interests. As I said to most of my friends, "If I can't marry Shinwoo (B1A4) then I will marry a Kpop fanboy! Where we spazz together, sing together, dance together, go to concerts, gatherings, and fan meetings together, laugh together, cry together, travel together, live together in South Korea, make love together, raise two children together, work together, grow old together and die together!"

You just dunno how excited I am to have a boyfriend. To have someone to talk to, hug, and spend the days so in love with each other. I believe true love does exist! I also wanted to experience the HHWW thingy, to go on a date, to receive flowers and love letters. Of course, I know there are always trials in a relationship. It would be great to overcome them together, and not to get affected by life's negativities. Eventually, I wanted my first boyfriend, my husband. Yunno, I'm inexperienced! (I want to experience my first time with him!) Never been kissed! (I want my first kiss in Nami Island, Seoul, South Korea.) Never been touched! (I want to make love in a forest!) I wanted to spend my life with him forever. Of course, I'm going to know him better before rushing things. A successful relationship takes time. But if it fails, I'd rather be single throughout my life than be with someone who makes me unhappy. No matter how you love your boyfriend if he treats you like you are nothing to him, you better leave him! Don't sacrifice yourself if it isn't worth taking a risk. I have to tell you as well that in the first place, I don't want to get married. I will just adopt a child soon or have a one-night stand with my idol? (Ahahaha.) I'm gonna rape him. Just kidding! Of course, I wanted someone to change this perception of mine very soon.

There are always reasons why I'm loveless in my existence here on Earth. (Maybe, I can find my love on Mars! Ahahaha! I'll go there soon.) To be honest, I'm looking forward to meeting the man for me. No matter what his origin is, how different we are from each other, what his interests are, and no matter what attributes he possesses I'm going to accept him willingly. So long as he is true, loyal, and faithful to me and himself. After all, I'm not a picky ugly duckling. My preferences for a man aren't that important to me. All I want is a man who can accept me as well. Physical looks aren't indispensable, what's extremely important and necessary is his attitude toward life and his ability to handle a woman and his relationship with her.

I believe these reasons are acceptable for why I'm NBSB. These are the reasons why I'm being a contented single.

~ God wanted me to finish my studies. We can't avoid the fact that unwanted pregnancy is rampant nowadays. Why, lovers tend to commit the sacred thing that only a married couple is allowed to do. This is the main reason why they stop going to school and are forced to work.

~ From what I can see, having a relationship can destroy a student's focus on her studies. Why, a couple tends to have numerous non-sense fights. As for me, I easily get affected even if it's just a 'friend's fight', how much more a 'lover's quarrel?' I might intentionally get absent from the class.

~ I'm free! I can talk to someone I like to mingle with. No one will deprive me of the things I wanted to do. But I'm not a party girl! ): I'm always at home daydreaming, reading, and writing. I don't like going out with my friends sometimes. I have a very inactive social life. I'm not that exposed to men!

~ I'm a faithful lover! How did I know? Well, I can feel it! (Ahahaha) I don't easily get tired of someone. If I love someone, I will love him for a long time or worse forever! So why am I NBSB? To avoid deadly heartaches! I'm a jealous type as well.

~ To have a boyfriend is a risky thing to do. Why, you learn how to lie to your parents (if you aren't allowed to have a bf yet.) Well, as for me, my parents allowed me to have one. It's just that no one courts me. Then you tend to give everything even your dignity! You'd rather sacrifice yourself to keep him as much as you want. Worst, if you become so obsessed with him, you will be greedy and selfish.

~ I believe I'm reserved for someone I truly deserve to have for life!

Sometimes I could think that there is something wrong with me and why I can't get a man! I'm aware of why I can't have one as well. I bet it's obvious to you now the reasons. I know you think that I need to change the way I handle myself. Yeah, I'm thinking of it as well. I want you to know that I tried, but man! I don't have the spirit to change to please guys. The real solution is just to improve myself. And if no one can accept the real me, it isn't my problem anymore. I can live life without a man for so long. I'm used to it now. I know it's different if I have one, but heck yea I'm gonna wait forever!

Before ending this, I just want to say that there are different kinds of love. I'm satisfied with the love I get from my parents/family, friends, and God. The love I get from my parents/family is unconditional and that love is called storge-family love. The love from my friends is great that I couldn't ask for more and that love is special. The love I give to myself is Philautia- self-respect. And lastly, the love I get from God is undeniably eternal likely called agape love. I'm sure enough that he won't leave me and he's my partner for life. For all we know, he is the source of life and love. That's why I don't have reasons to get sad. I'm so thankful and extremely joyful to have them in my life. I'm so blessed with them, my beloved!!

Yuchae Moon