Kingdom Of Hearts (LGBTQ+) (Completed)

Realizing and Coming Out

Thirteen years ago, I realized something. I looked at boys the way I was supposed to look at girls.

It was an incredibly soul-crushing realization. Coming from an extremely religious family, where even kissing someone (of the opposite gender) is frowned upon, accepting that you are gay is hard. Because this acceptance comes with a wide range of emotions.

Relief, because you are no longer confused of your own emotions.
Fear, for how society would react.
Sadness, because telling your family would probably, statistically even, disappoint your family.
And worst of all, self hatred. For straying from the 'path of God'. For giving your family a reason to hate you. For not having control over your feelings.

It probably sounds drastic. It probably is. But that's what I felt. And I still remember how much it sucked.

The fear of rejection from friends and family restricted me so much, that I never came out. Until I was 16, my family never knew anything.  So I was pretty much in the closet for 3 years.

That metaphor is annoying. 'The closet.' But in a way, it makes sense. This closet is tiny, suffocating. And 'coming out of it' is...relieving.

I never got to experience that with my family. It kinda makes me feel like I'm missing out, the fact that I never got to tell my family that I'm gay, and they had to find out from my bullies. But in a way I suppose it's better. I don't think I would've ever gained the courage to tell my family.

They found out because my first kiss, (Yes I had my first kiss when I was 16. Being a closeted gay guy sucks.) a boy from my football team, basically told the entire team that I forced myself on him. And those assholes told my family, along with some choice words.

I didn't by the way. The kiss was entirely consensual. He's dating my boyfriend's brother Brody now. The Christmas dinners are very awkward.

But anyways. My parents started ignoring me after that, before a lot of persuasion and unethical methods to 'cure' me. I didn't mind the silence as much. It was comfortable. I mean, sure I cried for a couple of weeks after that, mentally killing my teammates in the most painful ways my depression would allow me to, but later it felt nice, to not be the center of my parents hopes and aspirations. I know that sounds wrong, but I didn't mind then, and I don't now either. I guess I was a little happy that I was free from parental pressure.

My little brother didn't care much for me either. I don't blame him however. He was young, only about 10. He just didn't want to be the focus of my parents anger and wanted to make his parents happy.

I met my father last week. It was strange, to say the least. We didn't know how to speak to each other, what to talk about. I'm not exaggerating when I say that I've had better conversations with strangers.

But circumstances, I guess.

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Author's Note

New chapter! After... months. Umm...sorry?
So, this entire book is a speech said by the protagonist Nathaniel Cruz, at some event. It's not a diary, or a biography or whatever. And this book is set in the early 2000's.

Again, this book is purely a work of fiction. Any relevance to any reader is purely coincidental and unintentional.