To be defeated by a name

Chapter 4

Once calm enough to talk properly, Stiles had grabbed them drinks from the fridge and they had sat down on the sofa. Jackson had had to go home to see Ethan for their date night and so they took the chance to catch up on everything they'd missed, Stiles, leaving out parts in order to save Lydia some pain.

Admittedly most of the catch-up session was spent with one or both of them crying but it was more out of happiness seeing each other again, rather than the bad things that had happened in their lives.

"Are you ever going to tell them, Stiles?" Lydia questioned for the first time since they had first arrived at his apartment. She didn't need to elaborate on who 'them' was, it was pretty clear from her tone of voice she was talking about the pack and his father.

"Honestly? I don't know. I mean I had planned to keep you all in the dark about the fact I was alive. That way if something happened to me on one of my missions you wouldn't have to lose me all over again." He replied, hating how it sounded when said aloud. 

"Stiles. We fight a new supernatural creature every week. Sure, it has calmed down a bit in the last few years but we are always running the risk of dying too so don't bullshit your way through this. We both know that isn't the real reason." Her tone held no room for argument and Stiles couldn't help the sigh he let out when he realised he wouldn't be able to hide this from her.

"I don't want to see how disappointed everyone will be. I mean I've been alive and never told you and I can't help but feel I've betrayed you all. I can't bear to see the hurt on my dad's face Lyds. I was his last living relative and then I was gone. Coming back now would be like telling him I didn't care enough to tell him I was alive. I can't do that to him."

"They won't hate you, Stiles, if that's what you're worried about. Sure, they'll be angry that you faked your death and didn't come home to us instead, but you had your reasons for doing what you did. I know for a fact that they would be gladder than anything to know you didn't die and I can readily admit that seeing you again feels like a dark cloud has lifted. Your death hit us all hard and everyone misses you too much to hate you for running."

Stiles had known that the pack had been affected by his death, Jackson had told him as much. They had all been close, especially when they went to university. They had all decided to attend schools near each other so they were never too far away from each other and Derek moved to an apartment near some of the pack members whilst his dad and Melissa drove down to visit on weekends they didn't have to go in for shifts.

When Stiles had introduced Katrina to everyone, the pack had instantly loved her. Lydia and Katrina had become good friends fast and when they told her of the supernatural she wasn't scared but excited and as accepting as a person could be. That is what he had loved about her, she was nice to everyone around her and never judged. The two of them had gone to Ibiza for Stiles to propose and the video had been set up to send straight to the pack once it had ended for them to see the moment for what it was.

He had known they would all miss him and Katrina but he hadn't fathomed how much their deaths would impact everyone. Jackson had told him about how the mood surrounding the pack always seemed to be shrouded in sadness and seeing Lydia as living proof of this opened his eyes to the amount of pain he had inadvertently caused them.

"I'm scared, Lydia. I know no one will hate me, not really, but I'm afraid of them knowing who I've become. I'm not the same guy anymore and that scares me more than anything."

"In all the time I've known you, you have never shied away from something just because you're scared. You feel guilty for surviving when Katrina didn't but know that no one would blame you for it. We all saw what happened and there was absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent it. You don't need to suffer to keep us happy because you being dead is way worse than you lying to us for a few years."

And if he started crying again that was his business.