I haven't really had anyone send me request to be my 'suicide partner' until today,someone with the name of "Stonecold." I scanned over his profile,he's 17,only a year older than me,that's alright with me. I read his message.
"I'll admit I used to think this was stupid.The whole point of killing myself is so I can be alone forever so I never understood why I'd want to do it with someone else. But that's changed now. I'm nervous I'll chicken out at the last minute or something. There are other things,too,but I'd rather not get into that. I only have a few requirements.One,I don't want to do it with anyone who has any kids,that shits too heavy for me.Two you can't live more than an hour away from me.I know this might be had since I live in the middle of nowhere but for now i'm sticking to that.And three,we have to do it on April 7th,the date isn't negotiable." (authors note:this is a real quote from the book)
I check his status a tad bit more,he lives in a small town called Waterville,which is only no more than 20 minutes away from me. I message him back.
"I'm in." He instantly reads the message
"Okay,where you live?" Even though I found it a bit creepy that he asked where I lived right away,I still told him what town I live in.
"Sparkville." He read it then started typing.
"That's not that far from me,want to meet up? At the...lemonade stand?"
I read the message and knew exactly where that was,only a 10 minute drive away,next t the bar,but the stand is where the kids under 20 go to,to hang out.I finally made my decision.
"Yeah,meet me there in 30." I say.
He reads the message and types a quick "okay" I go to my closet to pick out some clothes,nothing fancy or nothing,it isn't like this is a date,just meeting up with someone that i'm trying to casually die with,that's it.
I throw on some black skinny jeans,and a black shirt,throw on my black hoodie and my converse,straighten my hair and head out the door. I start the car and check myself in he mirror before I hit the road,I pull out of my neighbourhood and watch as kids playing in the street and their yards watch me roll by and run inside. I roll my eyes,I want to scream "I'm not going to eat your face!God!I'm not crazy!" but another part of my dosen't because I know that it will surly make me seem,just like my mum.
I roll down the windows and turn up the radio,loud,the classical music spills out of the radio like tea spilling into a cup. It sounds smooth,and beautiful. My mum showed me this type of music,when I was little and she had me,before she did the one thing that makes everyone shame me of the face of the earth,we would sit in the car and listen to the classical music,I'd listen carefully.She used to say the music speaked to her,even though there were no words,she would ask if I heard it as well,I nodded like I did,but I honestly never did,I didn't want her to get mad and yell at me and say I was calling her crazy,which she seemed to do every now and then.
I listened carefully,like I used to as a kid,and felt a bit of happiness,but the blackness in the pit of my stomach always seems to consume every feeling I have,except for one...depression.
I pull up to the lemonade stand and park,I look in the mirror one last time,not that I care if I look good,I just don't want to look stupid,first impressions always matter. I sat there,my head pressed against the steering wheel as I sat and waited for stonecold to arrive,I hear a tap on my window,I look at the guy who stood there before me,I rolled my window down.
"Are you D27937?" That was my username. I didn't move,just stared at him,he stared for a bit as well.Then finally said.
"No?Guess not."He starts to walk away but I shout.
"Yeah,I am D27937,you must be stonecold?" He looks at me,and nods then flashes a weak smile.
I turn the car off and step out.
"My name is Phil." Stonecold says. I nod and shake his hand,he has a firm grip.
"I'm Dan." I say still shaking his hands. He smiles then releases the handshake.
"So you want to get some food and sit down at a table?" Phil suggest. I nod my head and follow him over to the stand. I study him for a bit longer,he doesn't seem like the type of person to want to die,he has clear and pale skin,but not the akaward,weird,nerdy type of pale,more like a,really pretty pale,big,bright,blue eyes and a black but shiny clean quiff,nope he doesn't seem like the type of person who would want to die at all,and not to mention the fact the way he's dressing looks as if he may have been the type of person who played every single sport in the school and went to everyones partys because he was going to be the coolest guy there. But me on the other hand,dresses in all black,I have pale skin,but not as pale as stonecold's skin,but mine doesn't look as pretty and clear as his does,I have brown hair,it's curly cause I don't take the time out of my day to straighten it anymore,and I have,small shitty brown eyes.
Stonecold orders his food,he gets a cheeseburger with fries,and a small bowl of pickles,with a soda. I should probably call him Phil,but it's easier to remember him by his username. I order some fries and a small blueberry smoothie,I go and sit down across from Phil.
"Hey." Phil says coming back putting his plastic number 5 to mine,8,
"Hey." I say akawardly waving,I think about how stupid I look then put my hand down almost immeditaly.
Two guys walk over and sit next to Phil.
"Aye Phil!" One of them say. Phil flashes a smile,you can tell it's fake though.
"Hey." Phil says sitting up straight.
One of the guys look over at me.
"Who's this?" One of the boys asks. He has read hair,green eyes and looks a bit to short for his age.
"This is Dan." Phil says smiling at me.
"Are you guys on like a date or something? What is Rodger gonna think about this?" The other guy says. He has dirty blond hair,that looks like the fur of a rabbit,along with one blue eye and one green,he's pretty tan.
Phil doesn't say anything. Me not knowing he was..gay?Bi-sexual,I'm not completly sure. I think is the main reason he doesn't,he probably didn't want me to know,thinking I might be a homophobic and ditch on him,which is no where close to true because I myself am a Bi-sexual. I flash him a slight,weak smile to let him know i'm not judging. Then he finally says.
"Uhm,no,me and Dan are just friends,we just met,a couple days ago,at the playground." I want to laugh because it took him so long to come up with the lie.
"So your shooting ball again?" The boy with the red hair asks. This seems to be some type of trigger to Phil because he seems to tense up a bit.
"uh..." are the only words that come out of his mouth.
YOU ARE READING
Our hearts are a black hole
Fanfiction*WARNING: CONTAINS TALK ABOUT SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH PROBLEMS ALONG WITH SELF HARM! DO NOT READ IF THESE ARE TRIGGERS! somewhat based off the book "My heart and other black holes" Dan is planning on committing suicide,because o what his mother...
