Shattered

CHAPTER TWELVE

(Lucas' Pov)

There was so much for me to feel that moment. That moment of recognizing the familiar beauty that once captivated my heart and entire mind, after nine years apart from one another. That moment of realizing the only source of pure goodness in the world to me, resented me and wouldn't even look at me. That moment of understanding nine years had put a great strain on our friendship, because we simply weren't the same people anymore, so everything wouldn't be normal between us.

But at the moment, I felt one emotion prominently throughout - shock. The strong, panicking feeling completely filled me from head to toe, dying down to only rise like a steady heartbeat. It made my stomach clench, my head hurt, my chest burn and my throat to churn. It repulsed me.

I wanted to speak to her. I had hope that maybe if I let her calm down, we could talk and try communicate like the adults we were, instead of seeing who could shout louder. Not to say I didn't understand Nina's anger towards me. Heck, I was pissed at myself, had been for a long time, and even more after seeing how much it had hurt Nina.

I was a bastard. A good for nothing human. The only person I truly cared about, that I had once tried to forget because I cared so much about her, hated me. And there was only one person to blame, which was myself.

But then it wasn't. I couldn't be the only person to blame for my departure from Nina's life completely. It was my father who moved me to a different state, not listening to my protests. It was him who made me finish high school at some damn private school, before he decided at the age of eighteen, it was time for me to really learn all the truth about the dark life style he lived in. 

Introduced into this world without a say of my own, I found myself changing. It was a subtle change, not a drastic one. Before I'd hold hope that maybe one day, I could return to my false life and act as if nothing had happen. But that hope slowly started to fade away - the deeper I went into this life style, the deeper my actions went. I think it was the moment I was forced to kill a pleading man, my innocence and hope completely died.

It was that moment the foster kid vanished. Instead, I was replaced by a young, sinister gangster.

How could I explain all of this to Nina? 

It was simple - I couldn't. Not would it only fuck up her view on me, but it would go against my blood oath in which I had pledged I'd never bring an outsider into the business. The latter didn't matter to me as much as the former did. I couldn't let Nina know why I didn't live up to my words whatsoever.

No badly how much I desired to do so.

So, forcing myself not to go after her, I watched with heavy frustration as she left the club building without a single glance backwards. A deep sigh left me that moment, clenching my eyes tightly to try get rid of the stinging sensation directed at them, all whilst questioning God why he hated me.

He had to. I mean, it would make complete sense as to why my life was such a difficult mess. There was no other explanation.

After standing in the empty building, forcing myself to calm down and not run after the brunette who had only grown more beautiful over time, I left the building and headed home. My thoughts were scattered all over the place, much with my emotions, but the second I stepped inside of my home, I pulled on a mask and acted as if I wasn't bothered by a single thing.

Much to my dislike, I found Veronica grinning happily inside of my home. She had apparently been waiting for me, and was dressed in nothing but a silk red gown with lace lingerie underneath it. The sight normally would have caused my dick to rise up immediately, but my mood was sour and I could care less about her presence that moment.