You Took A Part Of Me (Cashby)

Chapter Thirteen

*Austin's POV*

I woke to a thrashing and screaming Alan.

"No! Stay away from him, you bastard! He's mine, not yours! You're fucking crazy!" He yelled. I started shaking him and telling him to wake up. Soon, his eyes opened and he looked at me with confusion at first, but then with relief.

"Oh my god," he mumbled and kissed me. It was random, but I wasn't objecting. Perhaps he was dreaming about someone stealing me; and if so, who? The thought completely left my mind as I continued to kiss him.

There's something about falling in love with someone; you can feel it. Not just emotionally, but also in a weird physical way. Like every single touch sets off sparks and then there's a wild flame all of a sudden. That's how I felt with Alan. I was falling deeper and deeper in love with him and I couldn't help it at all. Even when he left, it just made me want him that much more. More than anything.

I finally pulled back and looked at him. "So what, exactly, were you dreaming about?"

An expression of fear crossed his face for a split second and was quickly replaced by one of pain. He pushed himself away from me and got out of bed, walking towards the door. "I was stupid," he muttered.

"Alan, wait!" I stopped him. "Why do you keep leaving me? What is going on here?"

"Nothing," he answered. "I'm leaving. I shouldn't have even come back here tonight. I'm sorry."

His hand reached for the knob but I grabbed it and turned him to face me. "Please! I went to the extent of telling you absolutely everything! You should at least tell me what the hell is going on here!"

"I can't! Now just let me go!"

"No! You aren't leaving me," I refused. "You're all I've fucking got anymore. I promise I'll help you through whatever is keeping you from me, just please stay."

"Austin, I literally CANNOT be with you! That's just how it is!" His tone got a little softer as his voice cracked. What could be separating us like this and hurting us both this much? "Please, just trust me on this one. It's for the best. Goodbye."

Tears began to form in his eyes as he tried to leave again, but I pulled him back and kept him there. I couldn't let him just slip away like that.

"You just don't understand the meaning of 'goodbye,' do you?" He asked harshly.

"Actually, yes I do. A little too fucking well!" I snapped. "Because everyone in my life leaves me somehow! Whether it be friends or boyfriends, fucking acquaintances, my own fucking mother! Everyone just says 'fuck you, bye' and never comes back! I thought you were different, Alan. I really did. I fell deeper in love with you by the second! Do you realize that I haven't let my walls down for anyone since I was sixteen? I let them down for you because you're the most amazing person I've ever met! And what happens when I let someone in? I fucking get hurt again! You took a part of me right from my very soul! For god's sake, you don't even know how important you are to me! I just...I can't get close to anyone without getting torn apart..." my last words were merely whimpers that were choked out through sobs. I couldn't even look at his face anymore. I just leaned on the wall next to me and let out every emotion I had bottled up inside. Everything was so wrong. I couldn't stand it.

I soon felt a pair of arms wrap around me from behind. "Shh, it's gonna be okay. Just breathe," Alan whispered. I felt a sense of relief, but I also figured he just didn't want to see my breakdown.

"How can you turn around and do this after almost leaving me? What the hell is going on?" I cried.

"It's complicated. Just relax, I promise I won't leave you again. I'm here. Don't worry," he assured me, kissing the back of my neck and sending chills throughout me. I wanted to take his word for it. I really did. But a small part of me feared that whatever was keeping us apart would win over. I had to figure out what it was. I had to save Alan and I.

~~~

Choosing between death and leaving the person you love is a really fucking difficult thing to do. You just have to sit and watch that person fall apart because someone is threatening your life and you can't stop it. I just couldn't choose a side. I was falling hard for Austin, but yet again, I didn't want to die just yet. It was tearing my life apart.

I was deep in thought as I comforted Austin through his breakdown. Just seeing him like that killed me a little inside. I wanted to tell him everything, but he'd probably end Oli and then I still wouldn't be able to be with him. Life is really unfair.

"So are you ever going to tell me what the deal is here?" Austin asked again, turning to face me.

"I wish I could, but I can't," I sighed. "You trust me, right?"

"Yeah," he replied.

"Well trust me when I say that if I tell you, everything will be even worse. I just need to solve it on my own."

"Okay...I'll take your word for it. Just promise me that if things get too bad, you'll tell me."

"I can't guarantee anything. But I'll try my hardest because there's nothing in the world that I want other than to be with you," I admitted. It was true. I was risking my entire life for him. If that isn't dedication, I don't know what is.

Suddenly, he flipped us so that I was against the wall and he kissed me. It wasn't a normal kiss; it was a dominant, hungry one. He didn't want me to try to leave anymore. Which I wouldn't, he just had it instilled in his head that everyone really did leave him. I wasn't going to be the one to hurt him further.

We both pulled away at the same time, gasping for air. I looked at the clock. "Let's just go back to sleep. It's two in the morning and I have class tomorrow," I said. Austin just nodded and we went back to bed without another word.