My Hero

Nigntmare

Warning: course language, night terrors, panic attacks.

Jason POV

"Thank you for the lift home Mr Jenkins." I sighed to the older man.
"Don't fret son. Cant let the little one walk home in good conscious." He replied, giving Elliot's hair a small tousle.
"If you two need anything, you know where to find us. And I mean anything, ok?" The man held a stern look, as if telling a child what to do.
"Yeah, I got it." I gave a small wave before entering our small apartment and depositing the brown bag that was filled with Elliot's pain meds and sleeping pills. It felt different. The air felt thicker, the rooms colder and the light a little dimmer. Elliot was kept in hospital for a few more days as the doctors were worried about his mental well being. But what can you expect when A kid looses one of its parents; of course they're going to shut down a bit. Elliot's shut down came a little more literally. Literal in the way that he hasn't spoken in 3 days now. His communication has been diminished to body language and the disturbing sounds he makes while he sleep. The small fits of what is probably panic attacks and small noises of discomfort or unease thought the day. Honestly a part of me is glad for it. I've been so preoccupied with trying to keep Ellie calm that my own brain hasn't had time to process what's happened and react accordingly. It almost as if I'm on auto-pilot.

I was broken from my thoughts when my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out, not prepared to talk to anyone at the moment. The caller ID read 'MARCO MARTINEZ' in bold white letters.
"Ellie, why don't you go watch some tv for a minute?" A small nod followed as he walked over towards the tv.
Turning my attention back to the phone I slid the green answer circle to the right.
"Hello."
"Jason my boy. Did the two of you make it home safe?"
"Yeah. The old man gave us a ride." There was silence es for a moment before I continued "hey, ah. Look I don't know when I'm going to be able to come back to work. I'll-"
"Don't even worry about that my boy. I don't expect you to be able to come back right now, besides you have plenty of paid leave. I was actually calling to ask about signora's funeral. Do you need help?" Martinez question was followed my more silence on my end. A part of me wanted to instantly reject the idea that i couldn't even organise my own wife's funeral. But the other part of me knew that in reality, i needed help.
"If you could Marco. That'd be great." The words came out somewhat hoarse. How was that even remotely great? My wife is dead. There's nothing great about that. It was like someone suddenly dropped a 2 tonne truck in my chest as I let go of a breath I didn't know I'd been holding my brain finally registering the fact that my wife, the mother of my child, was gone. And she was never going to come back. The one thing that had kept me grounded and sane for the last 6 years was gone. Tears fell down my face as I took in shallow breaths. I was scared. How was I supposed to do this without her? How was I supposed to look after Elliot?
"Jason?" Martinez sounded alarmed through the phone.
"Are you there? Jason!" I tried to answer but all that came out was a sob. A sob that gained the attention of the small injured boy on the couch. His eyes bore into my own. I couldn't read the emotion but he resembled a small animal trying to gauge a larger distressed animal.
"I'm coming coming Jason." The phone line went dead after that. Elliot made his way over slowly, as if not to frighten me. He grabbed my larger hand and urged me to follow. To tired to protest I complied and we made our way to the small couch, that could now be considered too big. He crawled into my lap rested his head on my chest. His familiar scent and the eyes that held the same blue as his mother, calming me exponentially.

———

It was a small funeral. The only people to attend were myself, Elliot, Martinez and his family, and the Jenkins. There was the usual mourning, the stories of her life and long speeches about god from the priest. I could only hope that my experience had been hell and that a heaven really did exist. Because the thought of her being were I once was, was to difficult.

Elliot didn't look through most of the service. He spent the time curled into my side, trying not to listen. His nightmare hadn't gotten any better in the last week. Even worse, he still want talking. He used to talk all the time. Talk to the point of you wishing he'd stop. But right now I'd give almost anything for him to talk my ear off.

The priest ended his speech and as 'somewhere over the rainbow' played, Lisa was lowered into her final resting place. Some may consider the song overused, but it was her favourite she'd use the song for every situation; whether it be a celebration, to lull Elliot back to sleep after a dream or just to fill the silence.

———

A week after the funeral and things were trying to get back to some semblance of normal. Elliot had begun talking to me, even if it was sparse; but he still wasn't talking to anyone else but at least it was a sign of progress. I'd tried sending Elliot back to Daycare a few days ago so I could go back to work, however the staff had called and requested that I pick him up early as he was 'in a distraught and inconsolable state'. It wasn't easy but at least Elliot was a good distraction from my own problems. I hadn't been able to go out as Hood lately; too afraid that Ellie would have another night terror. I didn't even want to think about what might happen if he had one, only to find that he was home alone. I could tell that the absence of Hood had a knock-on effect. Drugs, trafficking, all the grit and grime in crime ally had been gaining momentum.

———

"Daddy! Daddy where are you!" Elliot's screams ripped through the apartment and pulling me from my sleep. My feet had hit the carpet before my still asleep brain could process the current events.
"Hey hey! Im hear kiddo." Tears stained his cheeks as he hyperventilated. I quickly folded him into my arms, rubbing soothing circles on his back and rocking him.
"Come on kiddo, just breath. In them out." He continued his unsteady breathing his shoulder heaving with each inward breath.
"Come on, follow me."I took a deep breath in and watched as Elliot did the same before slowly releasing. I lost time as we continued the routine of beep breaths but somewhere along the line Elliot had worn himself out and fallen asleep again. Too tired to return to my own room I decided to sleep where I was.

———

It was early when a knock sounded in the door. I wasn't expecting visitors and the only people that ever came by were the Jenkins and Martinez. Seeing as Martinez hadn't called it must've been Mr or Mrs Jenkins. They'd probably heard Elliot's outburst last night and had come to check that everything was ok. Again. Setting the bowl of cereal down for Elliot I went to the door and answered, without checking the peep hole. I quickly regretted doing so when it revealed to mean, one in a very familiar business suit and another in a black top.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I snarled, perhaps a little too loud.
"Jason Please. We just want to talk." Dick moved forward with his hands out stretched and I took a step back, denying the gesture. It was then that Mr Jenkins came out, no doubt hearing the commotion. He gave a sour look to the two men before asking "Is there a problem here sirs?"
Bruce's eye contact never left my own as dock tried to explain that they meant no harm. "It's fine Mr Jenkins. I know them." I said, as Bruce's star intensified. "I'll handle it." I looks to the older man, my facial features relaxing some. The man gave a small nod and headed back inside.
"What do you want." I spat in Bruce's direction.
"Like Dick said, to talk." Was his flat reply.
"May we come in, Jason." It almost sounded as if he was challenging him and I wasn't going to backdown. Even if it was The Bat.
"Please Jason? We're just worried about you." And there's the break. Saying no to a begging dick Grayson was about as hard as ignoring a kicked puppy.
I heaved a sigh "Fine come in."

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