Shadows Beneath

Chapter 11

"What in the living fuck are you doing in here with just your fucking boxers on Mike? Why the fuck is Tammy in here with you?" I say in an enraged voice. I push past him to see Tammy hurrying to get dressed. "Are you fucking serious right now? I know we just met, but what the fuck?" I just can't comprehend what is going on right now. I'm standing in a hotel room, with who I thought was my girl and my best friend for years, totally confused on how, and why whatever the fuck is going on, is going on. She just stood there speechless. Mike didn't say a word either. I knew what happened, but I needed to hear it, no matter how much it was going to hurt. I still needed to feel the sound of those words. "Somebody had better speak up, like right now, because I'm not leaving until I find out what the fuck just happened. I have nothing to do today. I have all day, and nobody is going anywhere until they spill it. Have a little fucking respect!" I shouted. You could cut the tension in the room with a knife. Nothing but eyes looking at each other. I don't know what hurt more, the silence, or the fact that they had the balls to do something together and think they could get away with it. No lies ever last forever. Don't these two know that? Eventually the truth comes out. Except I don't have a lifetime to wait. I want to know right now, at this moment, what happened. I want to know how it happened, and why. All I hear is a sniffle from Tammy, and a tear roll down her cheek. She knew she lost me. She knew she hurt me beyond anything imaginable. Why the hell was it so hard for her to just say it? Can't people just say what they're feeling anymore? "I'm sorry bro" I hear Mike mutter quietly. I walk over to him and I'm an inch from his face, "You're sorry huh? My best fucking friend for what, 10 years now? We've been through, our entire life of school together, bowling, football...fucking everything, and now this. All you can muster up is a tiny little 'I'm sorry!'" I shouted.

I could see his fear. I could practically feel it. "Why mother fucker!? Why would you even think it was ok?" I said as I gave him a deep cold look. "We were drunk and talking and one thing lead to another and my friends left with the other guys and it was just us. I'm really sorry, it was an accident" Mike said. "What? A fucking accident? Did she trip and fall and land on your fucking cock mother fucker? That's an accident. Not you and her in a fucking hotel room. Don't fucking bullshit me Mike. Fuck you!" "You don't have to be a dick about it" I hear Mike say. Rage filled me up. Anger. All I could see was red. I turned around, gritting my teeth and lunged at him, pinning him up against the wall with my forearm at his throat. I just stared at him. Watched him squirm for a second until I heard Tammy shout in the background, "David stop, you're gonna kill him!" I said back in a nice calm voice, "No. If I was going to kill him, he wouldn't be alive right now. I'm just letting this bitch know what it feels like to have your breath taken away by your supposed best friend. Plus, he's not worth me ruining my future over," Then I turn and look at her, "and neither are you, since you obviously don't want to be part off it."

I drop him back down and he falls to his knees trying to catch his breath. "Lose my fucking phone number asshole. You just fucked up a lifetime friendship over some little slut. I hope it was fucking worth it." He looked up at me from his knees still with fear in his eyes. I stared back, then gave him a left hook across the jaw. He fell to the floor and spit out blood and a tooth. I didn't even feel bad. Tammy was crying and begging me not to hurt him. I walked towards the door, turned around and said in a eerily cold tone, "fuck the both of you. I hope you both get what's coming to you. Karma's a bitch." I open the door and walk out. Leaving my best friend bleeding on the floor, and the girl I had feelings for and a possible future with. The girl I just lost my virginity to, crying in a hotel room. They can deal with the guilt of what they did. I don't feel bad at all for my actions. I won't apologize. I don't have to. I did nothing wrong. I take that back. I did do one thing wrong. I started feeling for someone long before I really should have. Lesson learned. Time to move on. I walked out to my car. On my way out, I walk by MIkes car, and spit on it. Fuck him. He doesn't deserve a friend like me. I get in my car and I crank up the radio especially loud, "Stone Cold Crazy" by Metallica was on, and pretty fitting for my mood.

I think I was actually fairly calm throughout the situation that just happened. I have heard stories a lot worse than what I did. I just never imagined anything like this ever happening to me. I'll probably never understand the dynamics of why and how this happened. I really don't want to. I'll just enjoy my music and the drive home.

My mom is still there when I get back. I could really use a friend to talk to. I mean, just because I don't regret what I did and feel my actions were justified, doesn't mean I wasn't hurt. I explained what happened. She knew that I really liked Tammy. I've told my mom about her. It's hard to keep my head up. It feels heavy and I just want to keep staring at the floor. I can't stop thinking about what I just saw. It helps to talk to my mom about it, but it's not going to prevent me from  thinking about it, no matter how much she tells me Tammy doesn't deserve me. It's the betrayal by my best friend that hurts too. More than anything physical that I've ever experienced. All kinds of mixed feelings are flying through my head. A large part of my life just got turned around and flipped upside down. I have this empty feeling inside me now. I feel cold. I don't know if I'll be able to trust anyone ever again. I shouldn't. All it's going to lead to is more hurt, more betrayal, and more anger. I don't think I want to ever feel like I do right now ever again in my lifetime. I just want to go to my room and shut the door. I just want to listen to my music and shut the world out. I want to be alone with my thoughts. I stand up and tell my mom I'll be fine, and proceed to go to my room and turn on my stereo and drift away.