Brothers in Arms

Eclipse: Anxiety, Anger, and Andrews

Only slightly, though. I glare at his back as he exits the room, nearly flying to my feet with all of the built-up tension in my muscles.

He could not have been a decent person earlier? I grumble internally, but, as I shuffle to the aforementioned door, I find myself wishing he was still here to make me angry. Without the distracting emotion, my worry and exhaustion have no buffers preventing them from drowning me.

He is going to be okay, I tell myself, but the words mean nothing. I sit down in a chair, staring at the floor. The freshly polished metal reflects a blurry image of my face back at me, and I look into my own eyes, trying to decipher the emotions behind them.

I can hardly believe this is happening. Tears start streaming silently down my ivory cheeks, and I let them, feeling utterly destroyed. It all feels so surreal, and I feel so helpless.

I take a measured breath, but the tears keep flowing. I wipe them away, and I feel my self-pity begin to morph into anger. Anger at Shadow, for being my largest source of emotional turmoil. Anger at myself, for being so foolish that I did not notice how I actually felt around him. And...anger, just in general. Anger that my last living relative's life is now in danger for no valid reason that I can see. Anger that the universe saw fit to put me through this again.

Dammit, I swear, indulging my frustration in the word. I should have been paying more attention. I should have alerted someone that Shadow was going off on his own. I should not have ignored him like I did... I bring my clenched left hand down on my knee, purposely slowing myself so no damage is done. I feel like I should have been faster, like I should have reacted sooner, but I cast these thoughts aside.

Really, I was lucky they even let me go after him. Ayers by no means had to do that--I hope she does not get in trouble for it. She shouldn't, if these humans are half as fair as they act; I do not think Shadow would have had any chance, had I not shown up in time.

I take a deep breath, bent forwards in my seat and glancing, concerned, at the door down the hallway that hides my half-brother from my view. I would not have believed, had I been told several days past, the amount of stress and anguish I would feel over someone I would have said I utterly despised not long ago. Yet, here I am, completely distraught and furious with myself for allowing harm to come to someone I swear I hold little affection for.

Is this normal, to feel this way? To be thrown into a state of despair after harm comes to another? I drop my gaze back to the floor, shaking my head to clear the thought. Oh, it does not matter. I do not want to concern myself over more things. I sigh, rubbing my hands over my eyes.

No, the real cause for my anguish is the complete shock of reality. What if Shadow had died right there? Since he did not, I presume his healing factor will preserve his immortality, but he was grievously injured. What if I had not reached him in time? He would be gone, at least in mind, should his body have been restarted, and I would have completely lost my chance to make amends with the one of the only people here who cares anything about me...

The door to the waiting room abruptly opens, shocking me out of my thoughts and into a rigid posture, and I stare at the man coming through it. His face is vaguely familiar, and my doubts of acquaintance are vanquished when he speaks his voice.

"It's getting late for you to be up," he says sternly, and I blink, trying to remember who he is. "I mean, you shouldn't be here anyways, but you definitely shouldn't be awake right now."

"What time is it?" I inquire, trying to find the memory of Agatha teaching me how to read a clock and focus on him at the same time.

"Currently, it's one thirty, going on two."