Dead Leaves | An Entry

=I Love You=

3rd September
6:27 PM

I woke up right now, with thousands of thoughts swarming in my head. I had to let these thoughts out before they took over my brain.

Why did you leave me?
Why was our love so fragile?
Why did our relationship not turn out like what I expected?
Was it because I wasn't enough?
Was it because I was too busy thinking about us that it changed to 'u' so quickly?

Our relationship reminded me of autumn.

Not the times we went out together, faces squished in our thick scarves, a hot cup of coffee in our hands.

Not the times you kissed the whipped cream of my coffee of my lips, and then proceeded to smirk and laugh at my reddened tomato-inspired face.

Not the times we sat on the log of wood in the woods and talked about completely random topics, only to end them with laughter.

Not the times I huddled into you to feel your body warmth, as we looked over the cliff which gave a magnificent view.

Not the times we chased each other in the woods, and I would think I outran you, only to be pulled back into your muscular chest and have loving words whispered into my ear.

Not the happy memories of autumn.
You reminded me of the autumn leaves.

They were dead.
Just like our relationship.

Our love was the falling leaves of the trees. As they wilted and were blown away, I saw that you were exactly like that. You were falling away from me and nothing I did could bring you back.

Our love was growing weak and nothing I did brought you back. That was because I didn't do anything. I couldn't move. Your actions paralysed me. I was numb. I couldn't do anything, right when I had to, and that has made all the difference.

The different hues of orange and brown looked beautiful. The leaves falling looked absolutely mesmerising. But not more than you. You were the most beautiful thing I had laid my eyes on.

Those withering leaves seemed just like us. We were similar to the point that i couldn't look outside my window, at the beautiful leaves without tears staining my face.

Our love, though meant to be everlasting, was now crumbling at every single touch. It had become so fragile. Our voices and expressions grew colder day by day, just like the autumn wind.

We grew distant, just like the leaves falling from the tree. Our crumbling, fragile love made the two of us to move farther and farther away from each other. So far, that I couldn't do anything to bring you back. To be back with you. To feel your warmth. To thaw my heart which froze from apathy.

And now you were gone.
You were far, far away, hopefully in a place that didn't disappoint you as much as I did.

Nowadays, I've been spending everyday thinking about you. Everything we did was together. And now, I can't do anything without thinking about you.

I won't say I am in the best place now. I still miss you dearly. Thinking about you still brings tears to my eyes. But that doesn't matter. You're happy. And if you're happy, I'm happy.

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Don't try to collapse,
Never, never fall,
Don't go far away.

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