I barely skimmed the lyrics
I barely looked
I made the connections all the same.
I'm second guessing everything I've done
Every decision up until now
Every choice to drift apart
I don't want to go back
But I still feel guilty for the pain
The pain I know I caused
My heart still jolts every time
My heart feels heavy
My heart can't take this
I want there to be some form of confrontation
I wait for a sleepover or gathering where we will have to interact
But I don't want for one of us to be chosen over the other
I don't want to be left out
I don't want to be uninvited because of what I've done
I don't want to be made to feel guilty for needing to figure shit out
I want to pretend like everything is fine
I don't want to have to lie
I don't know what to do anymore
I feel guilty if I listen to certain songs
I feel guilty if I make a connection
I feel guilty if I do anything that isn't "making progress"
And soon I'll have too much time to think
In two weeks band will be done
And I can no longer escape into my drill
I'm not ready
For band to be over
To grow up
I'm tired
Of second guessing
Of life in general.
But somehow
By some miracle
I'll keep on pushing
I'll keep on fighting
I'll lift myself out of the pits of hell
And I will be okay
I will make it through this night
And I will stand victorious when the sun rises
I will feel the warmth of its light
I will not let myself down
I will make new connections
I will be okay
I have to
