yellow - grayson dolan | © 2018

Twenty-Three

For a few weeks now, I've been feeling like utter shit. I can't really ever get out of bed and I feel so bad for Grayson. He's been taking care of Daniel a ton. I love him for it, but I just feel so useless.  I've already lost all my baby weight and I look like a skeleton. I don't have an appetite for anything. I always feel the need to cry or sleep. I do still take care of Daniel when Grayson is at work. I just keep him in our dark, gloomy room.

I feel like a vampire. I can't stand light, almost like it would hurt me. Grayson told me he was going to take me to a therapist to check up on me. The appointment was today. He stayed home to help me get ready. We were going to let Jess take care of Daniel while we were out.

***

Grayson packed all of Daniel's things and drove him to Jess' place. When he got back, he sat by me, while I laid in the bed. Moping around like a sick walrus. He carefully lifted me and sat me in his lap.

"You ready?" He moved a piece of my hair behind my ear. I slowly nodded my head and he pecked my temple. He carried me bridal style to the bathroom and helped me bathe.

Once we were done, he held my hand and walked me out to the car. It was August, and I was wearing one of Gray's hoodies with some leggings and my white slip on vans. My hair was in a high messy bun and I had no makeup on. I had zero desire to look any good.

On the car ride to the appointment, Grayson held my hand tightly and squeezed it. When we arrived, I slowly shuffled behind Grayson and sat in a lobby chair. He signed me in.

After a few moments a young woman walked out.

"Ms. Johnson?" She called out. I picked myself up and Gray walked with me beside the woman.

"Sir, while she's in a session, we ask you wait in the lobby." She half smiled.

"You got this. I love you." He pecked my cheek and walked back to the lobby.

"This way mam." The woman lead me into a medium sized room. I sat in a chair and waited for the therapist. A few seconds go by, and a smaller lady walked in.

"Hi, Ms. Johnson. How are you today? My name is Carly and I will be your therapist." She grinned as she sat down.

"Hello, I'm doing... pretty bad I guess, and it's nice to meet you." I kept my face down.

"Would you prefer me to call you Lauren or just Ms. Johnson?" Carly asked.

"Lauren is fine." I sighed.

***

After an hour, I was finally done with Carly. She was nice, she didn't really help, but she suggested I come back in a week. I agreed and scheduled an appointment. She told me it was most likely postpartum depression or the death of my family was hurting me due to the recent birth of a new family member.

When I walked back into the lobby, Grayson immediately got up and came up to me.

"How was it Laur?" He wrapped his arm around my waist.

"It was okay." I laid my head on his shoulder. He walked me out and we headed home.