Brothers in Arms

Eclipse: Trial By Force

"I know," I reply, a slight whimper in my tone. "That's why..." I trail off, eyes stinging as I scrub at them. "That's why it's so hard, hating Shadow. I know how much I used to care, so it's so much worse, now...

"But, nevermind. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have overreacted so much. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"Don't worry about that, Eclipse. We know you're hurting."

I look up at her, eyes watering. I don't understand how she and Professor Ayers can tolerate me being so insufferable, but I am inexpressibly grateful for them.

"Besides, I doubt you've completely stopped caring about Shadow, if you don't mind me saying so," Ayers adds gently, and I blink in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I ask, curious as to why she would think that.

"In all of your arguments, you've been so intent on your words. When you truly hate someone, you don't feel the desire to make them understand. But, you do. You want Shadow to know how you feel."

I look down, considering this. It sounds unfortunately correct, though I have not wanted to have anything but negative feelings for my half-brother.

With that thought, a sudden rush of comprehension floods me.

"I guess you're right. All this time, I've been getting mad at myself.

"See, the thing is, I do have affection Shadow, but I feel like I shouldn't. He murdered my father, and he doomed my entire species. How can I let myself care for him? But, when he kept trying to make amends, I couldn't help but want to set aside my grief.

"I was mad at myself, for being so selfish. So, I kept getting angry, and Shadow was the receiver of my turmoil. I've been unfair, to be angry at him for his recent actions. Since I have come here, I have been the reprehensible one, not Shadow." I sigh, letting my head hang. "I know he's been trying to help me, but I found him so infuriating that I was never grateful for it. That's my flaw, not his, isn't it?"

The question is rhetorical, but Agatha answers anyways.

"Well, sometimes it's hard to accept someone's help, especially when you don't like them and definitely so when you've gone through such a terrible event. That's completely understandable. But, you have been a little mean to him. He doesn't have much of an option when he's given orders, and it's become pretty clear that he really didn't want to fight against his own species again." She looks at me, apologetic.

"I know you're probably already aware, but Shadow would face a lot of consequences if he refused to follow an order of that magnitude. First degree insubordination like that? He'd be imprisoned. And if he ever joined the enemy side..." She shrugs, looking uncomfortable. "Well, Commander Tower might take pity on him, if he defected back or didn't hurt anyone. But, if he did, death is the only available penalty. Even for Shadow. It would take a miracle to convince G.U.N. otherwise."

"Even when you've been so lenient with me?" I ask, shocked that the humans would squander their best resource.

"You're pretty clean, aside from the New Black Comet and Master Emerald incidents. Whatever you've done, you haven't caused that much measurable havoc. Shadow, on the other hand, has a record of nearly leading to the world's destruction several times. It's amazing he's been trusted enough to work here. I honestly thought that the Commander would place him in stasis again or euthanize him, after the first fight with your species."

"But, what of the worse villains? Why is Shadow viewed more harshly?" I question, thinking of the few I know from my relative's memories.

"They're not under our jurisdiction. Mobians answer to other forces."