Demonized *ON HOLD*

Chapter 2 (Hayleen)

Curiousity.

Everybody knows this feeling of unexplainable curiousity when you see or hear something, in the news for example, and you immediately want to know more about it. There can be many reasons. Maybe because this one thing is fascinating you with its aura, maybe it has a moving background story or maybe it's just extraordinary.

And maybe . . . Maybe there ain't reasons at all.

The reasons variate with every individual, but in in one point they're all the same - even if they don't exist. At the end, the curiousity takes over and you get to know things you've never expected to belong to that thing or person you're so interested in. And most of the time, these things are no good. Quite the reverse! As soon as you get to know something about your target you wish you just have hidden under your blanket, humming your favorite lullaby to yourself instead of snooping around after you realized how serious it is.

From that point on, when you're trying to suppress the information which you have experienced, life goes down the creek. Well, at least that's how it is always developing in every Hollywood-Film. But films are just films, right? Nothing what's happening in a film could also happens in real life.

Right?

No.

Films always are made out of true facts which were hidden under a carpet of illusions and fakeness. Filmmakers most of the time produce films based on true happenings. But to make everything way more interesting for the viewers they embellish their film with every kind of imaginable scrap, just to earn money. That's the way the truth gets lost.

But to come back to our topic the aftereffects of knowing finally the truth of your target doesn't need to be bad. But such cases are rare, even in devised films.

The first time I experienced this kind of curiousity was in the 8th grade. Finally, I have made friends with two girls, who were visiting the biology class with me. It has been almost seven years since I had someone who I considered as my 'friend'. The bulling during middle school didn't make it easy for me to find friends, though it already started at my last year on elemantary school. I remember the laughter and the amused voices of my classmates, calling me a stranger - sometimes even an alien. Everytime I lay in my bed at night - even today - these memories rise up in my thoughts, no matter how much I try to hold them down. I don't want to see all of it over and over again. It was the fault of my illness. Not mine. My parents always told me it wasn't that bad and that I had to ignore these stupid childs and so I did. But it was hard.

Every time I entered my classroom I was welcomed by laughter and a punch of paper plains and wetted paper balls. I remember the lonely night in the hospital after the peak of one of that paper plains hit my eye. Mum wasn't able to stay with me because of her job; she's a psychologist - a quite good one - and sometimes she spends a whole day and almost the whole night with her patientes, so I didn't get to see her often. Today, she was doing the household, her job wasn't so precious for her to even don't see her own child anymore, so she quitted when I started middle school. I really was happy about that at this time, but with my mother around the contact to my older brother Luke wasn't like before. He stayed away from home longer and longer, at the end I didn't hear of him for a whole week.

Luke and Mum didn't get along well, due to a reason I don't want to talk about ever again. Now, he wasn't at home. He never was when there was even just a faint of a chance that he could be alone with Mum for a couple of hours. Or minutes. All in all, he only comes home when I am hanging around and then, I need to break the ice everytime this uncomfortable silence would built up as soon as Mum and Luke are alone in a room. My family split in a terrible way and that really is saddening me. I loved my family. familymembers usually loved eath other. Usually. This incident ripped us apart, literally, and I came to hate the moments when we're all in the same room. I just didn't get used to this atmosphere, filled with so much hatred. I'm getting a headache from that.