break free from the voices in my head

if i could fly // skz x lix

the young boy's emotions started overflowing, out of control like a dam overflowing and bursting. tears sprang to his eyes and the boy curled up into a ball, unable to fall asleep as his mind was running wild.

felix didn't sleep that night.

he stayed up, trying his best to keep his sobs as silent as he could. he would beat himself up further if he had woken another member up from getting their well needed rest just for his own selfish needs.

it was 6 am and felix pretended to be asleep. he heard jeongin's alarm vibrate, feeling the soft footsteps of their youngest member waking hyunjin up. he knew they were going to start screeching soon, and braced himself for it.

sure enough, the loud shrieks started. he pretended to hazily wake up and beg for more sleep, knowing damn well they wouldn't have let him. it's okay, though, sleep was the last thing he wanted, but the members would definitely be able to tell if something was off.

they all sat at the table, freshened up and all begging for food. felix grabbed an apple and a bottle of water.

"felix you should eat more, you're getting thinner." seungmin said, worried for the older.

"i'll eat more at lunch, i promise." the blond assured. (spoiler; he doesn't)

the day passed by rather slowly. felix felt the energy drain out of himself from the lack of sleep and food. practice today wasn't much better than yesterday's -which to felix is extremely disappointing.

thirteen. he had been counting every time he had stumbled, been a beat late, forgotten what to do. felix felt conflicted. 'thirteen times. more than two times yesterday's mistakes. can you do anything right?'

the members had noticed something was off. when did felix start becoming like this? they understood he had been working his ass off for the past however many months, but now it seemed as it he just stopped trying. of course they missed the tired look felix had hidden with a cheerful mask.

in the middle of voices, felix couldn't do it anymore. and apparently neither could hyunjin.

"felix. i understand you're tired, we all are! but you can't just slack off in the middle of practice. the comeback's so soon, shouldn't you work even harder?? it's not like you to be acting like this, you should be trying harder than the rest of us! why'd jyp even bother to bring you back in the first place? it's not fair for the rest of the group to put up with this" hyunjin bursted out, face turning red.

the group was shocked at hyunjin's outburst, practice room turning dead silent. they had all wanted to confront felix about his behaviour, but in a calmer way. though in the back of everyone's mind they understood hyunjin's rant.

tears welled up in felix's eyes for no apparent reason. he hadn't sleep in 2 days or eaten anything, his emotions surely would have been fucked up by that alone.

bowing down 90 degrees, felix let out a rushed apology, trying his best not to let the others know he was crying. to the ears of another, it would've seemed like he didn't care about it at all, but seungmin knew better.

the members snapped out of their trance the sudden event had put them in. minho and chan went to hyunjin to scold him, but even hyunjin himself had been surprised at his own blow.

the eldest walked over to felix along with jisung and squatted down to talk to the younger boy. he was still in the same bowing position, but the other two could now see the tears rolling down his face and dripping on to the floor.

"hyung, i'm so sorry." was all he said before his eyes closed and his body hit the floor.. but it didn't. jisung saw and quickly caught him before anymore damage could be done.