I'll Take Care of You

Part 17

"You- you don't?" I ask surprised, pulling my hands away from his.

"Don't get me wrong. I want to, I never want to leave you, but I'm..." He swallows hard mid-sentence. "I'm afraid."

"Afraid of what, Lindsey?" I ask gently, laying my palm on his leg.

"That I'll mess this up." He shrugs his shoulders and turns to look out the window, facing away from me.

"What makes you say that?" I ask, even though I'm a bit scared to. I wish I knew what's going through his mind, because he doesn't speak up for the longest time.

"I'm afraid that I'll run away from you. I'm terrified that if we get too close, if this becomes too serious for me, I'll feel like shit again, remembering Layla, and I'll run."

Well, that was honest. "You don't have to be scared, Lindsey. I know she meant the world to you, but she's gone. It's the truth, it's your reality. You can't keep living in the past, otherwise you will never be happy. You can't take that away from yourself. It sounds cliche, but don't you think Layla would have wanted you to move on with your life?"

"How do I stop feeling guilty about this, Stevie?" He turns to me and I see the hesitation, the pain, maybe even frustration in his eyes. 

"I can't answer that for you." I shake my head slightly, feeling like we're over before we've even truly begun.

"Can you deal with this?" Lindsey asks.

"With what?"

"I want to be with you, I do. But I can't promise you that my mind won't wander back to that dark place, that I won't have doubts, that I won't question everything."

We sit in silence for a minute, while I consider it. I guess, the answer is simple. Am I happier with or without Lindsey in my life? That's really just about it.

"I can. I can and I will. I promise you, Lindsey, that you can always turn to me, talk to me if something's bothering you. I have baggage too, you know." I shrug, reaching for his hand again. He entwines our fingers together and squeezes gently. "Robert will never be completely out of my life either. I've spent the better half of my life with the man, I have two children with him. Despite what happened, he will always hold a special place in my heart as well." I hate to admit that, but it's true. "It's life. Things happen, things break us to pieces, but we have to get back up again, you know. This time, we're not alone in this. We have each other. I believe that there's something special between us and I don't want to let you go, because you have some doubts. I understand." I lean over to him and place my hand on the side of his face, my fingertips in his hair. "You said, you want to mend my heart, let me do the same to yours."

After the longest time, Lindsey smiles. He mimics my action and holds my face in his hand as well, bringing me in closer for a kiss. Our lips are just touching at first, but I take the next step and part mine, Lindsey does so, too. It's slow and somewhat even lazy, but it feels so good. He's a fantastic kisser, besides that, our kiss holds a lot of meaning after what we've just talked about. The only thing I could think of calling it - it's a promise. 

"Do you still want me to stay with you?" Lindsey whispers, my forehead pressed against his as we share a sweet eskimo kiss. 

"Of course, I do." I nod my head and pull back. 

Lindsey takes the key out of the ignition and opens the driver's side door. I follow him and get out of the car, too. We hold hands the short distance to the front door of my house and I search for the keys. It's dark and quiet when we enter and I'm glad. It's not that I want to hide Lindsey from my kids, just that... I don't know, maybe it's too soon for them to be seeing him around so late. 

I tell Lindsey to keep his shoes on as we make our way up the stairs and into my bedroom. We both start undressing and there's nothing sexual about it. I take my nightgown off the bed and pull it down over my head. Only then I unhook my bra and toss it away. Lindsey's only in his boxers as he pulls the comforter down and we both get in. 

"Come 'er." He opens his arms and I snuggle up to him.

Pressing a kiss to his chest, I rest my head there and wrap my arm around his middle as his goes around my shoulders.

"Good night." Lindsey says, kissing my hair.

"Good night." I echo and close my eyes.

I-I'm falling in love with him.